A tribute to Dhanalutchmee Pillay

THERE are people who impact on our lives which transcends the ordinary, whose love and sacrifices shape not only who we are but how we approach the world.

My mum Dhanalutchmee Pillay was one of those extraordinary people. To me, she was not just a mother – she was a force of nature. Her legacy is one of unwavering compassion and resilience.

Everything that I am, I owe to my darling mum. She was an epitome of love, beautiful both inside and out.

She was the Mother Teresa of our community who sheltered and nested not just my siblings and I, but many other children.

She had the biggest heart, and no matter how difficult life may have been, she always made a plan. I cherish the fondest memories of her teachings that have grounded me throughout my life. She has been my biggest inspiration and the reason behind my successes.

I never shared this publicly before, only close family and friends know about this testimony, but as I pay tribute to my beloved mum, I feel it is fitting to honour her legacy and treasure the greatest gift that she gave me, which was the gift of life.

The year was 1981. It was the morning of April 2. Mum was in town (Durban) and while crossing the road, she was hit by a bus. She sustained severe head injuries and was rushed to Wentworth Hospital where her head had to be shaved.

My mum was heavily pregnant. The hospital called my dad in and said he needed to make a choice, either mum or the baby; they could only save one of us. Dad couldn’t make that decision and left the hospital broken.

That night as she lay on her hospital bed, she saw a bright light, a man was standing in front of her. She got up, asking the nurses for him and later found out that she had a vision of Christ. Yes, miracles still do happen.

Mum was discharged from the hospital with no surgery and made a full recovery. On May 18, 1981, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy with no complications – I am that baby.

I will forever be grateful for the gift of life that mum gave to me. Before I was even born, she fought for me. She never gave up on me and made sure her baby was safe.

I never imagined doing life without my mum. But sadly in February 2011, mum passed away after a battle with renal failure. This was a few months before I was elected as a ward councillor.

My mum never got to share in many of my accomplishments after that. She never got to be a part of graduations, my election as councillor and my appointment as a member of Parliament in the National Assembly.

But I always speak to her and often hear her as the voice of reason. There was one thing that mum told me that I use daily in life. She said: “When in doubt, walk away.” I live this daily.

When I think back over my life, it seems almost yesterday that I was in my mother’s arms.

I grew up in a large family whose parents had the biggest hearts. There were many mouths to feed, but my mother never turned anyone away.

My mum was always the last to have supper. She made sure that everyone ate first. If one of us was out late, she would wait until the last person ate before she had supper.

Mum was my confidant and my biggest support structure. I could speak to her about anything.

She was not just my mum – she was my protector, my nurse, my doctor, my cook, my social worker and my best friend.

As I reflect on my precious mum, there is never a birthday, Mother’s Day, holiday, anniversary or any other good day that goes by without the emotion of not having her around. It is difficult and I often wish that I could speak to her just one more time, see her face just one more time, and listen to her voice just one more time.

All I have are memories, and her grave that I make a point to visit as often as possible.

Sharing moments with her at the gravesite brings so much peace. My mum was not just a mum, she was an extraordinary mum, and there is no woman in the world that can take the place of my mum.

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