Many adopted children face psychological challenges

The adoption process is often a profoundly emotional and psychologically complex journey for prospective parents. In South Africa, the legal pathway to adoption is intentionally thorough, requiring prospective parents to be able to provide a secure, nurturing environment for the child. While this structure is vital for protecting vulnerable children, it can also place considerable psychological strain on those hoping to adopt.

The screening process includes extensive paperwork, interviews, physical and mental health assessments, police clearances, and home visits. These steps, though essential, can feel invasive and emotionally exhausting. The process may take six months or longer, with awaiting period that can stretch into years, especially when prospective parents specify preferences for the child’s age, race, or gender.

Emotionally, this period is often marked by heightened anxiety, uncertainty, and even depressive symptoms. Many prospective adoptive parents have endured the grief of infertility, often following unsuccessful fertility treatments like IVF. This grief is not just about the absence of a biological child; it also involves a feeling that your body has failed you, feelings of inadequacy, identity struggles, and unmet societal or familial expectations. The decision to adopt is seldom made lightly; by the time couples arrive at this choice, they are often emotionally depleted and vulnerable.

Additionally, adoption can trigger relational stress. Partners may not be equally invested in or ready for the process, leading to tension or conflict. The uncertainty about whether they will ever be matched with a child, whether that child will bond with them, or whether they will be capable, loving parents or to let the child know that they are not the biological parents can provoke significant anticipatory anxiety.

Even after a child is placed, challenges continue. The legal finalisation process begins, but emotional attachment and mutual adjustment take time. Both parents and children may face attachment-related difficulties, particularly if the child has experienced previous trauma or neglect. Further stress may arise if a biological parent revokes consent, something legally permitted within 60 days in South Africa, which can retraumatize adoptive parents who have already endured repeated losses. I know of many adoptive parents who are paranoid even after that period that the biological parent will try and make contact, at times avoiding the place where the biological parents may even stay, for fear of them even seeing the child. This constant fear can be very uncomfortable and cause the adopted parent to be overprotective of the child, negatively impacting the parent-child bond.

Moreover, the psychological impact is not limited to the nuclear family. Extended families may struggle to accept the child, particularly if cultural or racial differences are involved, or may perpetuate subtle or, sadly, even overt stigmas around adoption. These dynamics can complicate identity formation for the child and heighten stress for the parents.

Preparation is critical, not only in legal and logistical terms but also emotionally. It is highly recommended that individuals or couples seek therapy before initiating the adoption process. Pre-adoption counselling can help clarify intentions, explore unconscious expectations, and address unresolved grief or ambivalence. This aligns with the psychological principle of non-maleficence, which is “do no harm”, which should guide every step of the journey. If you are unsure about your ability to fully embrace a child as your own, it is crucial to pause and reflect.

Working with a reputable social worker or adoption agency is essential. Professionals in this field can guide you not only through paperwork but also through the emotional terrain of adoption. They can assist with conversations around parenting styles, when and how to disclose adoption to the child, and how to navigate reactions from extended family or community.

Therapy is also beneficial for the adopted child. Many adopted children face psychological challenges such as attachment disorders, identity confusion, or low self-esteem, particularly if they have a history of neglect, abuse, or abandonment. Early therapeutic support can foster secure attachment and aid in the child’s emotional development.

Ultimately, while adoption can be a beautiful and life-giving decision, it is not without psychological cost. Entering the process with open eyes, emotional support, and a strong foundation of self-awareness will help ensure that both the child and the parents are given the best chance to thrive.

Dr Nazia Osman is a clinical psychologist registered with the Health Professions Council of South Africa. She has a PhD, and treats psychiatric and psychological disorders. Osman also helps clients with personal, professional or societal challenges.

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