A FINAL ACT

One in four people experience a mental health issue like depression, anxiety or eating disorders. Mental Health is the second largest pandemic in the world, yet seeing a Therapist to help resolve issues still carries a huge stigma. Therapy is simply a conversation with a trained Health care Professional. A Psychologist usually undertakes a seven year study to qualify and has to be registered with the Health Professions Council of South Africa in order to practice. Psychologists are bound by a very strict cod of ethics and all interactions between the `therapist and patient are strictly confidential.

If you are experiencing a Mental Health Issue, and unsure about your approach, feel free to write to me at [email protected].

A  FINAL ACT

I WAS deeply saddened to hear of the passing of a former work colleague due an alleged suicide. He was a high profile person and therefore his death was widely reported on in the media. I understand that the media has an important role to play in keeping the public informed of news but sometimes it can be so intrusive, especially as every angle is speculated upon. I can only imagine how traumatised the family is. It is bad enough to hear such shocking news but even worse when every detail is fleshed out on television, newspaper and social media platforms.

I worked with him for a few years and found him to be a kind, courteous, humble and gentle soul. My last interaction with him was a congratulatory message last year. Now that he is no more, I felt it important to write about suicide. It’s a topic we tend to shy away from. Supposedly because of bad luck or that our religion condemns the act of suicide.

Suicide is a deliberate act of intentionally causing one’s own death. It is the 10th leading cause of death in the world. Some suicides are impulsive acts, caused by intense stress. Other times, it may be caused by very severe and prolonged depression.

There are different types of suicide, all of which is tragic. Attempted suicide (non-fatal suicidal behaviour), may sometimes lead to self injury. Suicidal ideation is thoughts of ending one’s life but no action is taken. Assisted suicide is when one individual helps another to bring about their own death. This type of suicide, often likened to Euthanasia, is legal in some countries, provided strict medical criteria is adhered to. Assisted suicide is not legalised in South Africa.

Death by suicide is a major, devastating event, causing irreparable grief to the deceased”s family and friends. The causes of suicide is not clearly defined in the research. There are broad contributory factors like for example, psycho-social reasons, personality disorders, sexual orientation, financial or academic difficulties, divorce, bullying or harassment  and the like. What is known is that more than 90% of the time, extreme stress and severe depression are the main causes.

Sometimes, high risk occupations (like being in the police force), and addictions like gambling, alcohol or drug use may play a vital role. There may be several warning signs like withdrawing from family and friends (social activity), saying goodbye in an unusual manner, apologising, giving away important items, extreme mood swings, too much or too little sleep to name a few.  

Suicide is a very sad tragedy. Often the relatives and friends of the deceased have feelings of guilt and shame at having left the deceased down in some way. They question themselves repeatedly as to how they missed obvious red flags and what they could have done to prevent it. What is even more devastating is if the deceased did not leave a note of explanation or reason. This can make close loved ones lose their minds. It is incomplete  grief as their questions will never be answered. Also, some cultures view suicide negatively and this can also cast aspersions on the both the soul of the departed and the living.

Suicide is an unbelievably unfortunate desperate act. We as a community must absolutely desist from speculation. Gossiping and shaming the deceased is disgraceful behaviour. We must rather use our energy to show respect and give support to the family. Live by the motto : Do not speak ill of the dead.Rather honour the life they lived. Understand the deep pain that caused this final, tragic act. We haven’t walked in their shoes to know the reasons. Be kind and if you cannot be kind, stay away.

I wish the family of my former work colleague strength and courage in this sad time as they fetch his remains and perform his last rites with honour and dignity.

If you, or someone you know is feeling suicidal, ask for help. See a doctor, psychologist, your spiritual head. Please talk to somebody. If you have no one to talk to, call SADAG on 0800 567 567.

Dr  Kalyan is a psychologist, life coach and reiki practitioner