Nurturing is a vital asset in modern parenting

Many children have enjoyed the privilege of being raised by their grandparents.

Others have been cared for by full-time helpers or creches. We interviewed two families, who spoke about the values of upholding traditions while balancing modern day needs.

WHILE many first-time parents enjoy extended family support in raising their children, those who relocate to other provinces or abroad for greener pastures do not enjoy the same luxury and have to rely on crèches and full-time helpers.

Beverly Pillay, 40, who works for a government department, and her husband Morgan Naidoo, 53, a financial planner, relocated from Durban to Johannesburg more than 10 years ago.

Pillay said they could not leave their daughter Aariyah Naidoo, now 11, in the safe and reliable care of her grandparents, because the option was not available.

“Our only saving grace was that Morgan worked from home, so he was with her during the day. We also had a full-time helper to take care of the dayto-day needs of our home, while I was away at work.

“Sadly, there were no grandparents available at that time. Most people here have no option but to hire full-time helpers, so that’s what we did.

“With regards to the crèche, I did not want Aari to go until she could speak for herself. One never knows what children could get up to and how they are treated. She is my first child, so I think I was a bit overprotective with her,” said Pillay.

“When she was around three-and-ahalf-years-old, we placed her at an early start school because by that time she was speaking fluently and could tell you exactly what she wanted,” Pillay added.

Given the fact that Aariyah was born prematurely, Pillay was protective of her to the point that she hesitated sending her child to school on rainy days.

“This is not okay, I know. But on some days when it’s raining heavily I don’t want to send Aari to school,” she confessed.

Pillay shared a close bond with her grandmother, who died three years ago.

She admitted that her daughter would never experience the kind of love and affection that her grandmother had showered her with during her childhood years.

She said the quality of grandparents today was also not the same as when she was a child.

Those sit-down conversations she had with her grandmother, however mundane or simple, helped them forge a lifelong bond.

“It made me understand and appreciate the value of hard work,” Pillay said.

“I used to speak with my granny about everything, whether it was about cooking or a prayer that we were going to have. I do feel bad because Aari will miss out on so much that I got to experience with my grandmother.

“I see a huge difference in today’s children. There is just a little something that they lack.

“My granny instilled a sense of gratitude in me, and always shared stories about how life was when they were younger. She often reminisced about the struggles and hardships they faced.

“Today, it’s almost as if grandparents are embarrassed to share those stories of themselves and the lives they lived.

“But those are important lessons in grounding a child and helping them grow into cultured adults. It’s important in helping them understand who they are instead of keeping them guessing,” she said.

“It’s almost like the relationships between grandparents and grandchildren have become more distant, and that also has a lot to do with technology. Everything is just more modern now, even parenting.

“The important things my granny taught me, and that I wish to teach Aari, is unconditional love – how to love someone without expecting something in return.

“To be a nurturer that is always loving and caring of those in need and for her to believe in herself,” Pillay said.

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