Helping children cope with the sad reality of bullying

BULLYING has become a painful and urgent reality in our communities.

Just last week, a Grade 8 pupil was attacked by four boys at a school in Phoenix. He sustained head injuries and was only saved from worse harm when the head boy intervened. Sadly, these are not isolated cases.

The KwaZulu-Natal Department of Education has confirmed rising incidents of bullying in schools across the province. Nationally, more than 3.2 million pupils are bullied annually, and 1 in 10 drops out to escape it. Ironically, while we assume abuse is mostly physical, verbal humiliation, cyberbullying, and exclusion hurt just as much.

In fact, when pupils were asked to define bullying, 52% described it as verbal abuse, while 22% identified it as physical aggression.

Bullying leaves more than physical marks. It has both short- and long-term emotional consequences. In the short term, children may feel anxious, ashamed, or fearful. They may dread school, fake illness to stay home, or become more irritable and aggressive. Stress also affects concentration, often leading to poorer grades. Over time, bullying can cause depression, chronic anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty trusting others. Some internalise the bully’s voice, turning the same criticism on themselves and others. In severe cases, bullying has led to suicide.

South Africa has seen children under 15 take their own lives after cyberbullying. Globally, the WHO notes that 80% of adults with mental health difficulties were bullied as children.

While it is never a child’s responsibility to “fix” bullying, coping tools help:

• Speak up to a trusted adult: Silence only gives bullies more power. Sadly, 67% of victims say they would not tell a teacher. Schools with peer mentorships and counsellors create safer spaces. Even telling friends is a start.

• Respond assertively: Saying “Stop” firmly and walking away is powerful. Bullies often thrive on engagement; refusing to feed into their power can disarm them.

• Stay near safe peers: Bullies usually target isolated children. Being with others acts as protection and ensures witnesses.

• Keep records: In cases of repeated bullying, especially online, evidence helps when reporting or opening a case. Parents are a child’s strongest line of defence. They act as a lighthouse and safe harbour when bullying overwhelms. Though children should be encouraged to try their coping skills first, parents must intervene when harm escalates. 

• Listen and validate: Avoid dismissive phrases like “just ignore it.” Instead, help your child find words or strategies to use. Daily check-ins, whether during the drive home or at dinner, are important to detect changes early.

• Engage with the bully’s parents or teachers: A collaborative approach can resolve misunderstandings, especially with younger children who may not grasp the consequences of their actions. If unsuccessful, escalate to school leadership.

• Consider therapy or activities: Counselling helps children process trauma, while sports or martial arts rebuild confidence and foster friendships in new spaces.

Bullying is not a rite of passage. It robs children of safety, dignity, and education. With compassionate parents, proactive schools, and united communities, children can not only recover but also thrive.

Dr Nazia Osman is a clinical psychologist registered with the Health Professions Council of South Africa. She has a PhD and treats psychiatric and psychological disorders. Osman also helps clients with personal, professional or societal challenges.

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