Redefining new year resolutions: why intentions matter more than goals

THERE is no shortage of social media posts and articles in the media on setting goals for the new year. Somehow these always focus on achievement and productivity. They are outcome driven. However, the reason that many of these resolutions fail is because they often fail to take into account our capacity, life stressors and unexpected obstacles.

As a psychologist, I believe in intentions over resolutions. And these intentions do need to take our mental health into account – as opposed to chasing goals that lead to anxiety, burnout and self-criticism. When we set intentions that are aligned with our wellbeing, they are more authentic and more sustainable. When we consider our mental health, we then allow space for unexpected life stressors and curveballs. For example, an intention such as "I will eat like I love my body" is more self compassionate than a resolution to lose 10kg.

Don’t get me wrong – setting mental health friendly intentions does not mean that we shouldn’t aspire to grow in our careers and other areas of our lives. What is means is shifting how we measure progress. Goals are important but need to be consistent with mental wellbeing.

Here are some ideas:

Shift from perfection to presence. So instead of the need to do things perfectly, we can be more present, so we are aware of when we are becoming overwhelmed, burning out or abandoning our core values.

Shift from productivity to capacity. Productivity is important, but if we’re not aware of our capacity, we can burn out and lose motivation, thus not achieving our goal. Remember that rest and productivity are two sides of the same coin. We need to learn to rest without guilt, recognising that we can achieve more when we are well-rested – both physically and mentally.

Shift from self-criticism to self-compassion. Stop being hard on yourself. When you don’t achieve as planned, reflect on the circumstances that explain this. Criticism does not increase motivation. Balance accountability with self-compassion.

Shift from avoidance to emotional honesty. Instead of avoiding difficult or uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, acknowledge them when they arise and learn healthier ways of processing them. We improve our mental health by feeling, acknowledging, processing and regulating emotions – not by suppressing them.

Shift from external validation to inner fulfillment. Your goals and intentions do not need to make sense to others. They don’t need to be visible externally either, because they are for you. Consider what brings you true fulfillment, even if it’s not "instagrammable".

A new year does not require a new you. It requires a more aligned you. Reflect on your values and be mindful that the choices you make in different areas of your life (health, career, relationships, spirituality and finance) are aligned to these values.

Rakhi Beekrum is a counselling psychologist in Durban North with more than 16 years’ experience in individual and couples’ therapy. Her expert advice has been featured in print and digital media, on radio and television. She uses her social media platforms to spread mental health.

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