Why rest doesn’t feel restful anymore

IT IS STILL just the beginning of the year and the body and minds feels restless, unrested. It just feels that after a year-end break, we were meant to feel reset, rejuvenated and ready to tackle a new year. However, for many tiredness is already setting in. That is the reality of our lives as we attempt to tackle a fast paced lifestyle.

Rest used to mean stopping. Today, it often means switching activities. We move from work to screens, from obligation to consumption, from urgency to a quieter form of stimulation – always on the go. Our bodies pause but our minds remain alert. It is little wonder that we have rested yet still feel tired. From a neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) perspective, rest fails not because it is insufficient, but because the nervous system has not received a clear signal of safety. The nervous system is the body’s internal communication network. It determines whether we feel under pressure or at ease, whether we can slow down or need to stay alert.

Long before we consciously think about rest, it is already scanning for demands, expectations and potential stress. In modern life, it is rarely given the message that it can fully stand down. The mind is constantly active and the feeling of calm and safety is not a feeling that comes easily. Therefore, even if the body is physically resting – the mind is constantly active.

One of the core distinctions NLP makes is between behaviour and state. We can change what we are doing without changing how we are internally organised. This is a wonderful concept to consider as we navigate the year. Many stop moving but remain in a state of readiness. The body may be still, yet the inner experience (mind) remains vigilant. Rest, however, requires a shift in state. Until that shift occurs, the system does not recognise recovery.

The nervous system is on a state of alert – keeping us aware and not allowing a chance for complete relaxation. Language quietly shapes this process. When rest is framed as "just a break" or "a quick pause" the mind treats it as temporary and conditional. When rest is internally recognised as a boundary, something changes. The nervous system responds to clarity. A clear internal message that nothing is required right now allows the system to soften, even if only briefly.

This is a way to completely pause – you give your internal system "permission" to say that rest is now a safe space. The thoughts become clearer, calmer and easier. The body feels a sense of ease. This is when true rest takes place.

Modern rest is also compromised by the level of input we carry into it. The mind is constantly interpreting sound, images, information and emotion. Excessive input to the mind and thoughts keeps the system externally referenced. Rest deepens when attention is allowed to return inward, where the nervous system no longer needs to track or respond. Familiar environments, predictable rhythms and reduced novelty naturally support this shift. This can be really likened to a baby feeling safe, falling asleep peacefully when there is a routine that she experiences.

Many people unknowingly disrupt rest by observing it. They check whether they feel better, calmer or restored. This monitoring keeps the mind engaged and the system alert. Rest becomes something to achieve rather than something to allow. The mind now looks out for signals of physical rest (so essentially, there is no rest after all). To make rest feel restful again, it helps to slow down before you stop.

Take a moment to let your mind know that nothing is required of you right now. Reduce what you take in rather than adding more to do. Let your body soften first by moving more slowly and easing your pace. Give yourself permission to rest by telling yourself that you are now taking a break and rest is welcome. This will allow your nervous system to respond willingly, slow down and rest deeply. This technique will bring on the real meaning and feeling of being rested, rejuvenated and reset to take on the months ahead. Lets get back to truly connecting with a restful, rest

Krsangi Radhe is a former teacher in the public sector, neuro-linguistic programming practitioner, time line therapist, certified life coach and the founder of Sankalpa Coaching. She is a motivational speaker and radio personality. Visit her website: www.sankalpa-coaching.co.za

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