What women – and the wider circles they represent – truly yearn for are men with a growth mindset, says the writer.
Image: Meta AI
I RECENTLY hosted an online panel discussion with women from different walks of life - corporate professionals, entrepreneurs and coaches. Some were married, some single, and others divorced. The conversation was honest, raw and revealing.
Here’s what emerged.
The general consensus? Online dating has become exhausting and frustrating. Fake profiles, exaggerated versions of people that don’t reflect reality, endless texting with no intention of meeting, and ghosting have become the norm.
It has become far too easy to hide behind a screen. Married individuals can present themselves as single. People can use filtered photos from 10 years ago. Emotional connections are formed through weeks of texting, creating expectations that often collapse the moment two people meet in real life. The days of a coffee date first to see if two people have a connection, are now rare. With so many options online, genuinely good people are often overlooked in favour of those with flashy profiles, who simply want to create quick chemistry – usually because they’re seeking casual encounters rather than meaningful connection.
Many women expressed that meeting offline felt safer and more authentic. Being introduced through friends, joining hiking or running clubs, attending art or cooking classes, or participating in business networking events allow connection to unfold more naturally. It widens your social circle, and increases the chances of being introduced to someone more genuine.
A recurring theme was that many men appear to be seeking superficial intimacy rather than deeply meaningful relationships. When conversations shift toward commitment or emotional depth, women often experience withdrawal or ghosting. The perception shared was that many men had not processed the emotional pain of their previous relationships.
Women tend to seek support – through friends, coaches or therapists – to understand patterns, take responsibility, heal and consciously prepare for healthier love. In contrast, men are often encouraged to “move on” quickly – perhaps with a night out and a beer – without addressing the emotional trauma. As a result, when a new relationship begins to feel vulnerable or serious, fear of being hurt again can cause retreat.
When someone hasn’t done their healing, the unspoken expectation can become that their new partner must now play therapist, coach and mother. Many women are simply no longer willing to carry that emotional labour.
Another strong sentiment was that some men still expect traditional roles without offering modern partnership. There remains an expectation – conscious or unconscious – that women will manage the home, children, social calendar, and emotional climate of the relationship. When a woman becomes the caretaker of everything, attraction often fades. It becomes difficult to feel romantic toward someone you are parenting.
As a result, many capable and successful women are choosing to remain single rather than settle. They are building full, rich lives with meaningful friendships, fulfilling careers, travel and independence. They are not anti-men. They are anti-dysfunction.
Women are redefining what it means for a man to be a provider. It is no longer purely financial. While many women can provide for themselves, they do respect the man that takes his role as a provider seriously, on condition that it doesn’t come with manipulation.
Today, “provider” also means creating emotional safety. It means support for her dreams. It means stability without control.
What women – and the wider circles they represent – truly yearn for are men with a growth mindset. Men who are strong, yet kind. Leaders who are emotionally intelligent. Partners who are authentic and willing to evolve. Perfection is not the expectation. Growth is. Women are not asking men to be flawless. They are asking them to heal, to take responsibility, and to show up consciously. And when that happens, dating no longer feels like a battlefield – it becomes the beginning of something extraordinary.
I will also be hosting a panel of men who are going to tell women about their experiences with dating and relationships. We want both sides of the story.