Swipe right on Michelle Obama’s dating advice: explore to find true love

Sometimes, parents really do know best, even when it comes to love. Just ask Michelle Obama. The former First Lady recently revealed the simple but powerful dating advice she gives her daughters, Malia, 27, and Sasha, 24.

And no, it’s not about waiting for Prince Charming or writing the perfect Hinge bio. Instead, Michelle’s approach to modern dating rules (or lack thereof) is refreshingly old school: date a lot.

Speaking on her podcast, IMO, with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, Michelle admitted that her own love story with Barack Obama was shaped by having plenty of dating experience first.

“I just try to get them to stay open to people,” she explained.

“The thing that I did do was date a lot. And so when Barack showed up, I had experiences to compare him against. I knew a lot of (how) I didn’t like this. I didn’t like that.”

In other words, sometimes kissing a few frogs is exactly what prepares you to recognise your Barack when he finally walks through the door.

Why the former first lady’s dating advice still hits today

At first glance, telling young women to “date more” may sound counterintuitive in a world where ghosting, situationships, and swipe fatigue are the norm. But Michelle’s advice is rooted in psychology.

According to Dr Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science advisor at Match.com, dating is essentially a learning process.

Research shows that dating different kinds of people helps us identify what we truly value in a partner, whether that’s emotional stability, ambition, or just someone who doesn’t double-text “wyd” at 2 a.m.Michelle’s point is that bad dates aren’t failures. They’re data points.

The more experiences you have, the clearer your standards become. Modern dating rules: are there any?

Here’s the funny thing: while Michelle is encouraging her daughters to “date a lot,” most millennials and Gen Z daters are still trying to figure out what the actual rules are. Is texting first too eager? Should you wait three days after a date to call?

Are situationships just the new normal? The truth: modern dating has no fixed rules. The rise of dating apps has turned love into both a numbers game and a minefield.

A 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 53% of Americans under 30 use dating apps, but 45% say the experience leaves them feeling more frustrated than hopeful.

And yet Michelle’s advice cuts through the chaos. Instead of stressing over “the rules,” the takeaway is to show up, be open, and treat each experience as a lesson rather than a verdict on your worth.

Lessons from the Obamas: love isn’t instant

Michelle also admitted that when she first heard about Barack, she wasn’t exactly swooning. She assumed he was just another nerdy Harvard law student. But after one phone call, his voice alone changed her mind.

“The voice was sexier than the image I had about him,” she confessed. “I didn’t expect this.”

The Obamas’ story reminds us that love doesn’t always look magical at the beginning. Sometimes, it sneaks up on you when you least expect it and only stands out because you’ve dated enough people to know the difference.

So, what does “date a lot” look like in 2025, when swiping left feels like a part-time job? Experts say it’s less about quantity and more about openness.

• Stay curious, instead of obsessing over whether someone is “the one”, focus on whether they’re worth a second conversation.
• Set soft boundaries. Know your deal-breakers, but also permit yourself to explore outside your “type.” (Michelle thought Barack was too nerdy at first!)
• Normalise moving on. As Michelle puts it, if you have a bad date, move on quickly. No overanalysing, no spirals.
• Talk about it. The Obamas normalised dating by sharing their experiences openly with their daughters. There’s no shame in swapping stories with friends or even your mom.

Michelle’s dating advice isn’t about playing games or chasing perfection. It’s about collecting enough experiences to understand yourself better.

Every date, good or bad, adds another brushstroke to the bigger picture of what love means for you. And maybe that’s the real modern dating rule: don’t chase the perfect story, live enough of them to know the one that’s worth keeping.