Think you’re going places? Think again

Durban – It was too good to be true. It was the new year and we were paying under R10 for a litre of petrol for the first time in years and news that the price was going to drop even further made us fairly excited.

I know some people in the market for new cars who were even considering going for bigger engines – 1.8s instead of the miserly 1.4s many of us have become accustomed to driving.

Sure, the January drop had no real impact on anything else, like the price of goods for instance. As we’ve come to expect, the moment the petrol price shoots up everything does too, but when it drops nothing changes.

No one has given me an adequate explanation yet. However, spending less at the pumps did mean a few hundred, and in the case of some, a few thousand, bucks more in the pocket. Happy days.

Then came the news this week that the party was over. Petrol rocketed up by 96c litre. Ouch. Economists have offered a variety of reasons for this, but none that negates the fact that we are being screwed big time. The most easily understandable reason an economist-type has given me for the petrol price increase was “greed and politics”.

It is clear that the big bad people controlling the world’s economy are hell-bent on making petrol a designer product that almost no one can afford.

The problem with this designer product is that it’s a “must-have” in a more literal sense than Jimmy Choo shoes being a must have for label-crazy women. Realistically, what are your options should the greedy oil companies and politicians decide to help petrol up to, say, R20 a litre?

You can protest as they do in some countries when fuel goes up. You can decide not to use a car any more and cycle or walk to work, or you can shut the f*** up and pay for the petrol no matter how much it is.

Very few of us have the will or the inclination to protest and even if we do there is no guarantee of any favourable outcome. And unless you’re a hippie or green nut, you’re not going to use a bicycle. Which leaves the shut the f*** up and pay option.

Because no matter how expensive petrol gets, even if it hits R50 a litre (we’re talking fuelmageddon here) you’re going to sacrifice on other things in your life like take-aways and movies in order to afford it. Not driving is not an option.

Some suggest buying an electric or hybrid cars. If you consider what you pay for one of those, you can’t really consider them an option for the average man in the street. Any saving you’re likely to make by not buying petrol is cancelled out by the huge price tag. It’s a sick joke, actually.

I wouldn’t be surprised if petrol became so expensive and sought after that people started putting it in designer fragrances.

“Hey John, I love that fragrance you’re wearing, smells so good, what is it?”

“Thanks dear, its Petrolle, the new fragrance from Brent Crude.”

“Oh, I absolutely love Brent Crude, he’s my favourite.”

It’s also not hard to imagine people drinking petrol as a status thing. Because, you know, well, people will drink anything if it’s expensive.

“Hey, did you see those guys in the VIP area, they’ve spent R300 000 at the bar.”

“Really? What have they been drinking? Cristal? Johnnie Walker Blue?”

“No, 95 unleaded.”

Eventually this petrol madness will stop. The pumps will run dry at some point. The folks in Dubai are already preparing for that day, which is why they’re turning their country into a mixture of Las Vegas and Disney World to generate tourism revenue in the future.

But until that day comes, governments and corporations will continue to screw us until the last drop of oil comes out of the ground.

Only then can you have your affordable battery car. However, I must admit that the idea of battery cars scares the hell out of me. Because at some point the cellphone makers are going to get involved and they make the worst batteries known to mankind.

Can you imagine how often your BlackBerry car will leave you stranded on the side of the road?

And if your car suddenly stalled on you (which it probably will) to restart it you will have to get out of the car, take the battery out and put it back in before you can go anywhere. My goodness, what a schlep.

Of course you will be spending a lot of your day walking from place to place, asking people if they have a charger.

At this point, the hippie bicycle seems like a good idea.

@masoodboomgaard

Sunday Tribune

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