Teen Suicide: When your child needs help

LIFESTYLE - Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among teenagers. What’s more concerning is that these rates do not include non-fatal suicide attempts. Teenagers often ask for help after taking overdoses or for cutting. Of those, most are seen when admitted to hospital - meaning those who are not, rarely get the psychological help they need.

Most teenagers who attempt suicide do not want to die - they just want the pain to end. However, it is the lack of coping skills that leads to suicidal behaviour. The reason that overdoses are so common is because of access. Medication is easily accessible in homes where parents and grandparents are on chronic medication. Do not assume that because someone used a less lethal method that they are not serious. It is often what they have access to.

Some of the risk factors among teenagers are mental illness (such as depression and bipolar mood disorder), poor coping skills, bullying, conflictual home environments, academic pressure, relationship problems and a lack of resources to deal with stress.

So, what can parents do?

Start by talking. Suicide and mental illness are topics that many parents shy away from. I’ve seen several cases where parents have never asked their child why they tried to harm themselves. There are several possible reasons for this - parents may feel guilty and blame themselves; they may be too afraid to acknowledge the reality due to helplessness, or they may be consumed with their own stress.

Validate your child feelings. Invalidating their feelings will decrease the likelihood of them opening up to you. Sometimes, for their own comfort, parents say things with good intentions that do not help. Some of the things we say include: “Cheer up”, “Think positive”, , “What do you have to be depressed about?”, “You have so much to be grateful for”. Even if you mean well, such statements can make your child feel worse, increase their feelings of guilt or send the message that you do not understand. So, enquire about how they are feeling. Ask for more information, so you can try to understand. Reassure them of your love and support.

Be a role model. Children do what you do, so they will often learn coping skills by observing how parents cope. Many adults too have harmful coping skills (for example, alcohol, smoking, aggression, etc). In the absence of healthy coping skills, children are likely to resort to what they know. Model effective communication so your children feel free to communicate about their stress.

Be tech-savvy. Technology and social media are a significant part of teenagers’ lives, so it’s important for parents to be knowledgeable about these platforms so they can monitor their children’s use and be informed on any potential threats.

Control access to means. Most teenagers resort to overdoses due to ease of access. It is easy to control access to such means to prevent tragedy.

Bond with your child. Show an interest in their daily lives by speaking about their day, their studies, friends, sport and things that stress them out. Get to know their friends so that you are aware of the influences your children are exposed to. Having dinner as a family is a valuable way of bonding and knowing what is going on in your child’s life. Many parents complain that their children are always in their rooms on the phone, so they do not get to spend enough time with them to notice changes in mood.

Educate yourself on mental illness. We are lucky to live in an age where information is so easily accessible. Read up on mental illness, so you can gain a better understanding and identify the signs.

Get professional help when needed. Many parents avoid getting professional help for their children, downplay the symptoms or hope it’s not serious. Do not wait until it’s too late. If your child has tried to harm him or herself or spoken about it, do not hesitate to get help. In an emergency, take them to the hospital immediately.

Love your child. I’m sure you do - but does your child know this? How do you show it? We often get so caught up in our daily responsibilities that we don’t have the time to bond with our children or be mindful of how we are showing love. Daily interactions may involve nagging to do homework or chores or get off the phone. Be mindful of how you express your love. A child that is assured that they are loved, is likely to be more comfortable to speak to a parent in difficult times.

*Beekrum is a psychologist, marital therapist and mental health blogger. You can follow her on Facebook at Rakhi Beekrum - Psychologist) and Instagram @rakhibeekrum. Visit www.rakhibeekrum.co.za​

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• Teen Suicide: Be the parents our teens need, says mom