The 16 Days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children Campaign takes place annually from November 25 to December 10. This year’s theme is 30 Years of Advancing Collective Action to End Violence Against Women and Children. Gender-based violence survivors share their stories. Tivania Moodley.
DESPITE being raped at 18, married and divorced within three months, becoming a young mother and a failed suicide attempt, Tivania Moodley did not let her circumstances deter her from becoming the “woman of her dreams”.
Moodley, 43, of Johannesburg, now uses her story to bring hope, healing and empowerment to others.
“The very experiences that used to shame me have now become a gift to serve this world,” said Moodley.
The mother of two is also the co-founder of the organisation Change Her Story, which is working towards empowering the lives of single working mothers.
“We aim to change the narrative that is associated with single motherhood and help these women redefine their story. Furthermore, I think my personal story is effective because it demonstrates the possibility of hope.
“I don’t just tell women how to operate. I have walked that walk. I share what I have learned, what works for me, and how I have managed to transform my life and emancipate myself, becoming the woman of my dreams.”
Moodley, who is also an award-winning gender-based violence (GBV) activist, said that growing up as an Indian girl in a small community in Pietermaritzburg made her feel like the proverbial black sheep.
“I didn’t fit in or conform to society’s idea of beauty. My interests were different and I felt isolated. Then, at the age of 18, I was raped. I felt guilty and complicit in that experience and that shame corroded my spirit. I dropped out of university and got married to my first boyfriend. However, the marriage lasted for three months. So I had to navigate being divorced, a rape survivor and a new mother before the age of 21.”
Moodley said during this time her father was diagnosed with cancer.
“As a family, we had to watch him deteriorate before us. These major life events happening in succession took me to a dark place. I stayed in that darkness for about 20 years with more trauma compounding the depression until I had a failed suicide attempt 10 years ago. I guess that was the catalyst for me to change my life.
“However, life still had a few more lessons to throw my way. Those were the experiences of intimate partner violence. I had to live through those traumatic and scary experiences, but knew I had to overcome them, because I had a bigger purpose.”
Moodley, an award-winning author, said she decided to collate all of life experiences into an autobiography, Girl on Fire, six years ago.
“I chronicled my journey of depression, rape, GBV, two divorces, three miscarriages, repeat failures and then finally the ‘rise of the Phoenix’.
“From there, I became a speaker and sold out two print runs of my book, won two awards for it, and eventually heeded the hall for activism work as a lived experience expert for both GBV and mental health.”
Moodley said she recently won the Lotus FM Women of Substance Award in the Social and Community Welfare category.
“I am still in awe of how my life experiences have now become a gift that serves this world, when it was the very experiences that used to shame me.”
Moodley said she drew inspiration from the “human spirit”.
“I am motivated by its capacity to survive and thrive. When we believe life is over, it can actually be the beginning, if we do the work to heal and evolve.”
Moodley, who is an international speaker, said her goal was to reach as many people as possible through her story.
“I am firstly a storyteller, so these lessons are shared as stories on my social posts, and in-person talks, radio, TV and newspaper interviews and most recently a few webinars. I am also booked for a few high-profile and big events later this month which I am very excited about and hope to make a bigger impact that way.”
Moodley added that while an experience may shape a person, it does not define them.
“No matter what happened to you, you still have the final say in your story. Always remember that no one has the power to take your spirit, it is indefatigable.”