Kas Naidoo.
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When we go back to the generations before, the roles of a husband and wife were quite clearly defined. The man was the provider and protector. The woman was the homemaker and nurturer.
In today’s times, a vast number of women are better educated and more independent. These women no longer require a provider as they can do that for themselves. Therefore, they look to their husbands as equal partners, expecting them to be their friend, lover, confidante, co-parent, the one they create a life with as an equal decision maker.
The sad truth is that while a lot of work has been done over the last few decades to empower and uplift women; no one has actually prepared men for these women. It is in their DNA to provide and protect and if that is no longer their role, they are now unsure about how to add value to her life. While many men step up to the bar and contribute to household chores and fully support their partners to achieve all of her dreams; some are stuck in the programming of what the roles of men and women “should be”.
Even when it comes to personal development; where we take responsibility for ourselves to learn and grow and become the best versions of ourselves possible; the attendees are 70% women and 30% men. These women are often frustrated at their partners lack of growth and interest in improving the communication and connection between them and choose to leave. This is why more women file for divorce than men.
It is also one of the reasons there are fewer marriages, with women opting to maintain their independence and freedom. They will only consider marriage if their partner adds value to their lives. They are not compliant about fitting into societal norms that dictate that we should be married by a certain age or have children.
The other reason there are fewer marriages is that most people today have multiple relationships and if they were in a relationship that left them heartbroken or fearful of getting hurt again; they are likely to opt not to get married. However, these people require healing instead of a solitary life; but that again is a choice.
Often when a couple cannot resolve their differences, they choose to divorce, sometimes too quickly and let’s admit divorce is easy – go to court; state you have a breakdown in communication and the divorce is granted. Of course, if you are being abused, then divorce is the answer for you. But if that’s not the case, then this is an opportunity for growth.
If we understand that relationships provide the platform for us to step into our fullest potential; then we ask ourselves as soon as there’s a problem a few questions:
These kinds of questions lead to growth for both partners and resolution of conflict. If both partners commit to their own personal growth, they will bring their best selves to the relationship.
Let’s admit, the current relationship model is broken and we all need to do better and consciously create deep, meaningful relationships instead of the fairy tale that one day you will meet the perfect partner and live happily ever after. My best advice is to do the work on yourself.
Kas Naidoo is a conscious life and relationship coach
** The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of IOL or Independent Media.
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