Sharon Govender's journey through grief and chronic illness

SINCE 2013, life has never been the same for Sharon Govender, a mother whose world was shattered when a car accident claimed the lives of her two sons. 

Already struggling with serious health issues since 2007, she has spent more than a decade navigating profound grief alongside chronic illness. 

The 55-year-old, of Westville, who works in finance, lost both her sons in 2013. 

“Kovan and Nigel Moodley were from my first marriage. They were 2 and 4 years old when their dad passed away in a motor vehicle accident in 1997. I was 26 when I became a widow." 

In the midst of losing her sons, Govender was already living with trigeminal neuralgia (TN), oral lichen planus, and oral lichenoid dysplasia-OLP (autoimmune conditions).“My TN symptoms started in late 2007. The discomfort started in my right jaw, tongue and cheek. I felt as if ice fluid was draining inside my lower jawbone from the back on my right side of my face to the middle of my lower lip. 

“This escalated to severe tingling and electric shock like stings. It resulted in me not being able to brush my teeth at times, unable to gargle and unable to chew my food. Over time this resulted in me removing perfectly good teeth.”

She said the most challenging aspect was explaining what she was experiencing to someone else. 

“I would get told 'you look perfectly fine. That’s the problem. They must see something physically wrong with one to understand or believe. 

“My dentist referred me to a maxillofacial surgeon in 2008. He said I required an apicoectomy to treat persistent infections at the root tip of a tooth. However, the pain continued. He did x-rays and said I required surgery at the back of my jaw. During surgery there was nothing there but a hole that was created by me removing my wisdom tooth.”

The pain continued and at the end of 2008 she was diagnosed with TN and referred to a neurologist.

“TN is a nerve disorder of the face and is one of the most painful conditions. TN causes sudden and severe shooting and stabbing recurring pain, which can be triggered by everyday activities like eating, talking, or brushing one's teeth. 

“While there are various treatments available, including medications, surgery and radiation therapy, some people may not respond well to these options or experience side effects.”

She said the chronic pain associated with TN could contribute to severe depression.

“I was fortunate I had an excellent neurologist. With her help, I was able to manage the condition effectively. I had good months in remission without discomfort and flares-ups inbetween, which required hospitalisation for intravenous treatment.“However, after losing both my children, I had a severe flare up due to the trauma and stress of such a great loss. Medication and intravenous treatment proved futile.”In 2014, Govender’s neurologist referred her to a neurosurgeon.

“Due to the severity of the symptoms and oral medication bringing no relief, he advised microvascular decompression, which is a surgical procedure used to relieve pressure on the cranial nerves.

“In April of the same year, I had craniotomy surgery, which involved temporarily removing a piece of the skull, but this procedure was unsuccessful. He then advised that I undergo a rhizotomy, which brought relief."

Rhizotomy destroys or disconnects specific nerve fibers to eliminate pain. 

Govender has had several rhizotomies over the years and botox injections to the right side of her head and face.

“Treatment and management are ongoing. Unfortunately, there is the risk of other conditions that are associated with TN but for now, I am not concentrating on that while it's being investigated." When she thought her medical illnesses were coming to an end, Govender was then diagnosed with Oral Lichen Planus and Lichenoid Dysplasia in 2023. 

“My symptoms started during the early months of 2023. My mouth became sensitive, especially to chilli, spicy foods and fizzy drinks. I had scary breakouts of lesions and experienced excruciating discomfort and pain in the mouth.

“In December 2023, I felt pain on the left side of my upper jaw. I did not take it seriously as I thought it could be related to my Trigeminal Neuralgia. But it worsened and I saw a dentist in January 2024. The dentist said I required root canal treatment as an abscess had formed at the base of my tooth on the upper left jaw.”

However, on the day of the root canal treatment, her dentist told her she needed to then see a maxillofacial surgeon.

“The surgeon told me I needed an apicoectomy. He scheduled me for theatre a few days later where a mass was removed and sent for biopsy. The results were benign.”

In June 2024, it was suspected that Govender could have oral lichen planus, a chronic inflammatory condition that affects the mucous membranes inside the mouth. 

“I was then referred to a periodontist. He confirmed how bad it was. The procedure was scheduled and, on the day the doctor took three biopsy samples from three sites in my mouth. The results came back positive. There were two confirmed oral lichen planus and one  confirmed oral lichenoid dysplasia, which were potential for malignant transformation. 

“The doctor explained everything I needed to know. I have adapted to preparing meals without chilli and certain spices.”

Through all her health issues, Govender chose to channel her pain and circumstances into positive learning experiences.  

“Living in the moment is my new way of life because we are never promised a tomorrow." 

Following the death of her children, she began to journal her life experiences and created a Facebook platform for bereaved parents to share the loss of their children, called The Graceful Bereaved Mum’s and Dad’s Club.

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