A mother’s journey from battling postpartum depression to finding herself again

FIVE years ago, Sumayya Jackson was enveloped by a whirlwind of joy and excitement when she discovered she was expecting her first child.

Soon after her son's birth, her joy was overshadowed by “dark thoughts” as she unknowingly battled postpartum depression. 

Jackson, 36, of Sandton in Johannesburg, said soon after their wedding in January 2020, she and her husband knew they wanted to start a family. In August that year, they found out they were expecting their son, Jordan Jameel, now aged 4. 

“I was overjoyed. As the due date neared, I became a little anxious about what to expect, but my excitement overshadowed my anxiety at the time. When my son arrived I was so overcome with love and joy, I couldn’t think of loving anything more than him. It was an amazing time.

“A few weeks later family and friends left and the home became quiet. It was just me and a new baby who depended solely on me. That was when reality set in.”

Jackson said she initially struggled with her milk supply. 

“I felt like a bad mom because, despite trying all of the home remedies and medication, my body couldn’t produce what my child needed. It sent me spiralling mentally.

“I also became self-conscious about my weight as I picked up 26kg during my pregnancy. I felt as if I lost my entire identity. I didn’t know who I was outside of motherhood. I couldn’t recognise myself in the mirror. There were weeks where my hair went unwashed and uncombed.”

Jackson, a reconciliation and finance consultant, said this was when the “dark thoughts started creeping in”.

“I felt anxious as I  was trying to juggle being a mom, wife and finding myself again. I was also constantly in fight or flight mode. But once the suicidal thoughts became louder, I realised I needed help. I turned to my husband and family for support. After visiting my doctor, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression.”

Jackson said from that point, she realised she needed to start taking care of herself, especially her mental well-being. 

“At that point nothing else mattered. I just wanted to be a great mom. I gave up the battle of forcing the breastfeeding issue and gave into formula. I started taking antidepressants, I hit the gym, and surrounded myself with other moms who dealt with what I was going through.

“Fitness and family played a huge role in my journey. Once I started finding myself, my confidence and the importance of self-care and taking care of my mental health, I completely started enjoying motherhood so much more again. I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I also became a better partner to my husband.”

Jackson said her advice to mothers who battled with depression was to seek help. 

“You are not a failure or less of a woman if you seek help. This (postpartum depression) happens to more people than you know. Seeking help, talking to a professional or taking antidepressants doesn’t mean you failed. It means you prioritised yourself to become the best mom and person you can be, and that starts with looking after yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically. 

“Furthermore, don’t get caught up in comparing your journey to social media families or another mom’s journey. We all have different experiences and journeys. That is the reality of life,” she said.

THE POST