A Chatsworth woman's journey from childhood rape survivor to advocate

AT THE age of 5, she became a victim of repeated sexual abuse by a trusted family friend that continued for six years.

After decades of silence and inner turmoil, this Chatsworth woman finally found her voice at 43, only to discover she wasn't the only victim.

Her powerful story of forgiveness, healing and transformation offers hope to other survivors.

The woman said she broke her silence 10 years after her rapist died.

She claimed after speaking out, other women also said they had been raped by the man when they were young girls.

While they came forward with their stories, it was too late for justice.

The woman, who is now 50-years-old, said she only realised what was happening to her when she was 12-years-old and she was taught about sex and rape at school.

She said when she was 11, the rape stopped because the uncle had moved away from the neighbourhood.

She thought that her worst nightmare was over because she did not have to face him again.

However, she later realised that the “real nightmare” was trying to live life after being sexually violated.

“My mom had walked out on my dad, my five brothers and I when I was five years old. I was the youngest child. My dad did his best to take care of us and run the household. 

“I had just started adjusting to life without my mom. I began playing with the children in the neighbourhood and loved being happy with them. One day while we were playing, Uncle P, as I will refer to him, called me and said he had sweets for me. He was 38-years-old.

“He was a family friend and he lived near us. I trusted him and I loved him like my own uncle. He asked me to follow him as he needed to fetch the sweets from a jar in his house. I waited patiently and eagerly for the sweets outside his outbuilding. He suddenly appeared at the door and pulled me inside. 

“He pushed me onto the couch. I was not sure what was happening. I thought maybe he was wrestling or playing roughly. I was confused. 

“The man I trusted and never thought would ever hurt me, violated me in the most violent way possible. I tried to fight him but my little body was too weak for this tall monster who looked like he was getting a lot of satisfaction from my pain. 

“I kept thinking ‘why is he doing this?’ Why me? The pain continued for what seemed to be a few hours but it was only a few minutes. I tried to blank out that moment but the tears just flowed.

 “He then told me if I told anyone what had happened, he would tell them I was lying and that no one would believe it. So I told nobody. The fear of not being believed became a portal for this monster to repeatedly rape me for the next five years.

“I tried my best to avoid him but he lived in the same neighbourhood so I could not. I regret not telling anyone. As time passed, I began to play less and less outside. I withdrew from my friends and I would cling to my dad. After six years he left the neighbourhood,” she said.

When she was 12 years old, she said she slowly started to realise what had happened to her.

“Being taught in school about child abuse and rape became a canvas for my brain to draw this horrible picture of reality.  I came close many times to telling someone but I felt like my lips were stuck together.

“As my brain began to unpack what happened, I felt dirty and blamed myself. I tried to commit suicide three times when I was 14 and 16 years old.

“The reality of being a victim was slowly setting in. I hated boys and men as I got older. I became a fighter at school. I told myself no one would ever take advantage of me again. I became a bully as it gave me power which I felt I was stripped of.

“By God's grace I did well at school and positive things started to happen in my life which helped me to block out my childhood trauma. For many years I blocked him and that heinous act out of my mind.

 “Somewhere deep down in my soul I knew there was a greater purpose for my pain. I felt the need to help others and give a voice to the voiceless. At the age of 12 I forged a solid relationship with my saviour Jesus Christ and this became the foundation that gave my life purpose,” said the woman.

“I began doing community projects from the time I was 13, and a few year later I told a counsellor about what had happened. That was when I began to deal with the trauma of what  had happened,” she added.

She said in 2008, she saw the "uncle" at a local shopping centre. He was a vagrant begging at the exit.

“He knocked at my window. I froze when I recognised him. My brain played out every episode of the rape in a few seconds. The whole reason for my childhood trauma was standing in front of me.  I recognised him immediately even though he had aged, but he did not have a clue who I was.  

“He was a beggar asking me for money. I started my car with every intention to run him over so I could finally be free from this monster.  At last, he would pay for what he did to me. This time I had the power to cause him pain.

“However, I felt overwhelmed, and a voice in my head told me to give him the money. I reached for my purse and reluctantly handed him some money and as I passed the money to him, I looked him in the eyes and said ‘I forgive you’.

“He did not realise what was happening as he was focused on the money. In that moment, I transformed from a victim into a survivor. A few weeks later his body was found in a storm water drain. I am grateful to God for the opportunity to forgive him and be free of him. Years later when I spoke about the rape, three of my closest friends who played with me said they too were raped by him,” she said.

“He was a paedophile. I wish I had the courage to speak out and that I had charged him. But I did not understand the judicial process until much later and the stigma of not being believed prevented me from doing that. There were very few support systems that existed back then. Now, I help other women to overcome their trauma from being raped,”  she said.

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