Make your memory lanes pleasant notes

I WROTE on this topic back in 2005, and am more than certain that 20 years later it is even more relevant. Let me digress temporarily and set the scene for this column.

A major reason that I have enjoyed two decades of being in media, be it national radio or newspapers or both, is the interaction with those that follow my work. In other words, my friends. You see in all my years in the media, I have detested the word “fan”.

My reasoning on this is that if I call someone my fan, I am putting myself on a higher plane than they are. This is not right as you are in no way subservient to me. In fact, I serve you by providing food for thought and entertainment and I sincerely appreciate the privilege. Many of my readers and listeners formed lasting friendships with me and took me into their lives and circle of friends.

It has never failed to amaze me that there are still so many wonderful and sincere people that are still left in this otherwise selfish and hedonistic world. Many have shared their experiences and memories with me, which I treasure greatly. I have also learned much from communicating with them and I have learned this very important truism: When we individually walk down our memory lanes, each of us evokes different and original responses to the flashbacks of our lives.

These usually make us smile as we recall some joyous event, a childish prank or a special moment in time. However, there is unfortunately another, more sombre side to recalling the past. We find this especially during public holidays and other festive periods. There are some dear souls out there who have had mishaps, misfortunes and turmoil in their lives and this has robbed them of the opportunity to relax, laugh and enjoy the recreational period.

Because really, how do you smile when your heart is breaking? When these precious ones walk down their memory lanes, they halt the journey at a sad juncture. Possibly a loved one, such as a spouse is no longer around to share in the joy and cheer. It could also be the death of a child or a parent. This is all too vivid for me as one Easter Monday as it is called, I was relaxing and about to indulge in a nice English breakfast.

The phone rang and the voice on the other end informed me that my beloved and only sibling had passed away that morning in hospital. So, how do you think I handle Easter Monday every year? Definitely with plenty of melancholy and pathos. Another realistic situation is maybe a family member has, in a moment of weakness or at a breaking point, done something that had necessitated him being taken out of the family circle and incarcerated.

Can you imagine the heartache of an ageing mother who has to accept that her son, who is in prison for a crime, will never be released within her remaining years? To compound the grief, her frailty does not allow her to visit him? All she has are the memories of a good boy, nurtured through years of love and devotion, who went wrong through circumstances beyond his control. To some of our dear folk, life seems to have a vendetta against their happiness.

Be it abject poverty or domestic violence and abuse they undergo, all they have to look forward to is death. They look back at their miserable lives and wonder what was it all about? Why did the Almighty bother to create me? To see me suffer? It could appear that some of us are like Achilles, with the difference being that when we were born, we were dipped in the River of Sorrow, and not the River Styx. (Read up on this if you do not know how the painful condition known as Achilles heel was concocted).

Yes, memories can be therapeutic for the soul, as well as poignant to the heart. We can be comforted by the fact that if our life has been an uphill battle all along, it cannot get worse. Hopefully! Everything as the Holy Books say, has its time and place and the moment for us to rise and be victorious will soon manifest. It is getting there and surviving the emotional upheavals-in loco, which is the difficulty.

To those who have lost beloved ones to our greatest enemy – death - little can give them solace. However, there is much that we can do now to ensure that we have a modicum of comfort and peace in our lives. This will enable us, in coming decades, to look back at this period in time with a smile on our face. The secret of achieving that lies in culture, principles and family. As Indians, we are renowned for being vociferously cultural and I am not talking religion here.

Culture incorporates the values systems that have been handed down to us from our ancestors. It ties in well with principles, which we cannot afford to be without. It is a fact that the decline of the once mighty Roman Empire was due to a great extent to the breakdown in the moral fabric of its inhabitants.

This translates in stark reality to the breakdown in family values and mores which, like the Trojan Horse, served to attack and conquer from within. The Empire therefore stood no chance. We today are faced with a similar situation. The entertainment world, with its increasingly debauched music and movies, coupled with strong negative peer pressure and declining respect are factors which our youth are battling against.

We need to urgently mobilise and restore our children to a culture and climate of morality. This is to help them combat the deleterious attacks on their innocence and naivety.This is imperative lest our memory lanes become future pathways of disaster. Lest our roadways become strewn with the casualties of an oppressive and diabolical force which work day and night to taint our vulnerable little ones.

Strong families make strong communities. Strong communities contribute to better neighbourhoods. Better neighbourhoods create great countries and it goes a long way in making our existence on this planet an enjoyable one. If there is one resolution that you would like to make for the rapidly arriving 2026, may it be that we take care of our loved ones and be responsible citizens of this world so that our future memory lanes will be mostly pleasant roadways.

* Ravi Govender is a former POST sub-editor and Lotus FM radio presenter. He is a published author, a freelance editor and film producer in training. He can be contacted at: [email protected]

** The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of IOL or Independent Media. 

THE POST