A lesson for the youth: spend some time with your elders

AS THE year draws to an end, I find myself reflecting on the moments that have shaped me, the people who have grounded me, and the lessons that continue to guide me. I deem it fitting to address the youth - readers up to the age of 35 - before we step into the New Year.

Last weekend, I was hosted by family in Cape Town for a relaxed Sunday lunch. There were about 25 of us gathered around the table, laughter echoing through the house, and plates filled with the most delicious home-cooked meals. There was Durban-style curried chicken culls, lamb curry with gravy-soaking potatoes, fluffy rotis and buttery soji. Among the group,10 were youth. What caught my attention was how they appeared to struggle to strike up conversation with the adults or engage in the discussions. They could not fit in with the uncles and aunties and broke away into a sub-group.

I could not but ask myself why so many young people today find it difficult to socialise with older folk who are about the age of their parents? I grew up in a completely different scenario. For many years of my childhood, visiting extended family was not just part of a routine; it was non-negotiable. After Sunday service, I would ride with my Thatha in his car and get a right-living lesson between the temple and the family house in Umhlatuzana. Sometimes, I would pluck courage to challenge his viewpoint.

When my grandparents passed away, my parents and I would visit old relatives who were fit to be my grandmothers – Baby Aunty and Amoy Akka. There was something deeply comforting about it: tea with stove-boiled milk made by Aunty Managie in Arena Park, Chatsworth and the aroma dry vermicilli prepared by 90-year-old Amoy Akka mixing with fragrant incense, and the warmth of voices that carried decades of stories. These weren’t just social visits; they were lessons in life and living.

In traditional Indian families, spending time with elders was never unusual or burdensome; it was woven into the very fabric of our upbringing. Elders were the custodians of wisdom, of tradition, of values that cannot be AI-generated, and reciters of motivational quotes that ooze lessons. Their stories carried the weight of experiences shaped by resilience, sacrifice, and a deep-rooted sense of duty to family. It was a culture that taught when elders entered a room, you stand up. When they spoke, you listen. When they advised you, you held their words with seriousness, even if you did not fully understand their relevance at the time.

Looking back, I realise that so much of who I am today was shaped in those living rooms listening to the older folk tell stories that always carried a moral. As we now approach the festive season, I am grateful to be back in Durban after four long months away. One of the first things I did was write a list of all the older relatives that I must visit back in KwaZulu-Natal. To young readers, this may sound old-fashioned, but for me, it is both a duty and a privilege, but most of all something that I thoroughly enjoy.

How can I not visit Tholsa Akka, my paternal aunt who calls me every Sunday in Cape Town at exactly 11:30am? Or Dolly Akka in Pietermaritzburg who makes a point to call every Sunday night. Both in their mid-80s, they will enquire about my well-being, and I do not forget to ask what they had cooked. Their concern is not performative or staged; it is rooted in a generation whose love was expressed through consistency, sacrifice, and attention - not emojis or quick texts.

I want to say to the youth, let go of your egos, your hesitations, your awkwardness, and whatever invisible barrier makes you pull away from your elders. You lose nothing by sitting with them for an hour. In fact, you gain far more than you realise. Older folk are repositories of information that no ChatGPT can give you. This holiday season, yes, you can still “Ke Dezemba”.

Go out, celebrate, live your youth. But before you run off into the festive whirlwind, make it a priority to spend time with those who genuinely care for you. Visit your grandparents. Call your aunts and uncles. Sit with your elders, even if just for tea and freshly- baked scones. Ask about their childhood, their struggles, their favourites. Grant them the joy of telling you the stories they’ve been waiting to pass on.

These interactions are not just visits; they are threads that connect you to your heritage, your family, and your own identity. Make your main 2026 New Year resolution that you will not ignore elders but will value the wisdom of those who walked the path before you. And may you never forget that elders are not just part of your family - they are the roots that keep you anchored.

Saranya Devan is a theatre-maker, dance performer, academic and proud Tamilian. She holds an MA in dance from UCT, and a MA in Bharatha Natyam from the University of Madras.

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