Peers can also reduce risk by challenging bullying, refusing to participate in online harassment, and reaching out to classmates who seem isolated, says the writer.
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AS COMMUNITIES grapple with the heartbreaking reality of child and teen suicide, one truth stands out: prevention begins long before a crisis.
It begins in homes, classrooms and friendships, in everyday conversations that tell a child: “you matter. You are safe. I am listening.”
Safety is extremely important. Child and adolescent suicide is rarely about one single event. It is usually the result of overwhelming emotional pain combined with a feeling of isolation. When a young person believes they are alone in their struggle, whether it is bullying, pregnancy, academic pressure, family conflict, trauma, or gender and sexuality concerns, the risk increases dramatically. The most powerful protective factor, research consistently shows, is connection. Just one safe, accepting adult can change the trajectory of a child’s life. Even if you never had this type of adult in your life, you can be one.
Organisations such as the South African Depression and Anxiety Group and Childline KZN have emphasised that many young people struggled quietly for months before anyone noticed. Warning signs are often subtle: withdrawal from friends, changes in sleep or appetite, giving away prized possessions, sudden hopelessness, increased irritability, or talking about feeling like a burden. These signs are sometimes dismissed as “normal teenage behaviour”, but they should never be ignored.
So what should parents be doing?
First, move from reacting in crisis to listening early. Create regular, judgement-free spaces for conversation. This means putting phones away, making eye contact, and resisting the urge to immediately correct, preach or minimise. When a child says, “I can’t cope”, the response should not be, “you’re too young to be stressed”.
Instead, try, “tell me more about what’s making it feel so heavy”.
Second, separate your child’s identity from your expectations. Many young people facing rejection related to gender or sexuality describe feeling unsafe at home. Regardless of religious or cultural beliefs, children need to know that love is not conditional. A child who feels accepted is significantly less likely to turn to self-harm. Acceptance does not require parents to have all the answers. It requires openness, willingness to learn, and a commitment to protecting the child’s emotional safety.
Third, take all threats seriously. Statements like, “I wish I wasn’t here” or “you’d be better off without me” are not attention-seeking, they are distress signals. If a child expresses suicidal thoughts, stay calm, remove immediate dangers if possible, and seek professional support urgently. Peers also play a critical role. Teenagers often confide in friends before they confide in adults. If a young person shares thoughts of self-harm or suicide with a friend, the most important response is to take it seriously and tell a trusted adult.
Keeping it secret out of loyalty can be dangerous. Real friendship sometimes means breaking a promise to save a life. Peers can also reduce risk by challenging bullying, refusing to participate in online harassment, and reaching out to classmates who seem isolated.
A simple message such as, “I noticed you’ve been quiet. Are you okay?” can open the door to life-saving conversation. Equally important is empowering children to ask for help. Many fear being judged, punished or misunderstood. Adults must repeatedly communicate that seeking help is a sign of strength, and not weakness. Schools should strengthen anti-bullying policies, equip teachers and guidance counsellors with training on mental health and identity-sensitive support, and ensure pupils know where to access confidential help.
Children need practical coping tools too: learning how to regulate emotions, manage stress, and tolerate distress without harming themselves. Emotional literacy which is the ability to name and understand feelings, should be taught as deliberately as maths. Finally, communities must confront stigma. Silence increases risk; listening reduces it. When families hide struggles out of shame, children feel even more alone. Open dialogue in faith spaces, cultural groups and community organisations can shift this narrative from blame to compassion.
Suicide among children and teens is preventable. It requires parents who listen without judgement, peers who speak up when they are worried, schools that create inclusive environments, and communities willing to prioritise children’s well-being over stigma. At its heart, prevention is about one consistent message: you are not alone. Your pain is real. And there are people ready to help carry it with you.