Life on a cruise has its pros and cons.
Image: Meta AI
I RECENTLY went on a boat cruise in the company of a group of retired professionals. These seniors are all about enjoying retirement, and love to socialise and let their hair down. Anyway, one member came across a “Black Friday” special. The reduced price was a key incentive and about 35 of us took up the offer. I was not at all convinced that it was a terribly good idea to spend four nights in an interior cabin as I am claustrophobic, but my colleague convinced me to opt for an upgrade to a slightly larger cabin with a balcony.
As soon as the booking was secured, further "Black Friday” drink specials popped up in our inboxes. You know the usual half-price story. Since we all wanted to be in good spirits, I optimistically purchased three different packages – an alcoholic, non-alcoholic and ice-cream combination. I have no idea why I did that, and towards the end of the trip I was literally offering everybody an ice cream or a drink as I had so much credit left.
Checking in was super efficient. There was good signage and many cruise line officials guiding us. Immigration was a breeze. Once on board, the welcome was so gracious that we started to feel warm and fuzzy. We all gathered on deck to watch the departure, not feeling even the slightest sway. I had bought some rather expensive sea sickness tablets just in case, but all of us felt fine. Almost everyone had their phones out, excitedly taking pictures of the city skylines and selfies for sharing on social media.
The excitement of sharing everything with the folks back home began to fade when the signal started to buffer, and by morning, despair started to set in for a few as they had no cellphone signal. This created a little anxiety among some and they invested a small fortune to get access to the ship’s wifi. Except that it hardly ever worked. I switched on my international roaming, and quite by chance discovered that if I stood near the bridge, I had a good signal via the ship’s antenna and whatnot. However, it did not matter much to me as I needed a holiday from my cellphone.
My husband has a good inner compass, so while I checked out the room, he did a bit of a walkabout on the ship to identify “landmarks” for me. This is a common practice between us whenever we travel. It’s helpful in case we get separated. Also, given that we could not call each other on the cellphone to locate our whereabouts, I could at least make my way back to the cabin using these markers. This may sound antiquated and primal to some, (I am a senior after all ), but before cellphones, humans, animals and birds used landmarks (in our case seamarks) as guides.
The entertainment on board was literally non-stop. Deck 11 was a hive of activity, with karaoke, line dancing, live music and games. There was something to suit all 2,200 passengers. The staff in the kids entertainment zone were very good. Guests who wanted less noisy entertainment, drifted to deck 6 where there was some good old-school singers and light music. Our group found a corner in the Cotton Club on deck 6, and soon the cards were out and games of thunee started. We have some very good women thunee players in our group. Sadly, I'm not one of them. As hard as I have tried, I simply cannot get the hang of it.
Others in the group set up some board games, and a few went to the casino to have a flutter on the tables or machines. I preferred to lounge by the pool, and even though I had carried a book and a few magazines, I simply preferred to doze or people watch.
As South Africans, we are starved by the lack of international live acts. So every evening the theatre was packed for the song and dance acts. I must say that I found these performances a tad underwhelming. The intent was good, but the lip synching was quite off so it was painful at times. Probably had a lot to do with the buffering signal which caused the sound to not synchronise well.
The Latin-American dance duo were amazing, as was the stand-up comedian. He is Cape Town-based and given that 80% of the guests were South Africans, he read the audience so well. His quick wit and one liners were funny. One of our group fell “victim” to his banter which we found quite hilarious. He was so embarrassed by the comedian’s attention that he didn’t attend part two of the comedy special, in case he was called out again.
The comedian was disappointed by our friend’s no-show. One of the comedian's quips was that it seems that once on board, an “eating contest” begins. What a truism. And I say this because I have never witnessed such an eating frenzy. I get that we were there to have fun, and part of the fun is eating and drinking. The food stations on deck 11 are literally open for 15 hours. Fresh food coming out as fast as it was eaten. I observed people piling their plates with some of this and some of that, and then not finishing it.
I was quite taken aback by the amount of food wastage. A prominent notice at the food stations read “take as much as you want to eat, but eat all you take”, seemed to be sadly ignored. Of course, there were the odd few that even packed some padkos for the room. Really? That’s a "no, no" for me. As much as the food was plentiful, it was quite bland in taste. Upon requesting chilli or pickles, we were told that the ship had been unable to fill the one ton order of these sides for over three months.
My personal view is that the catering manager either does not know of the little motor bikes which can bring supplies directly to the ship in 60 minutes, nor of the hundreds of aunties who sell quality-assured pickles by the bucket. There were some bottles of the peri-peri sauce from a local chicken outlet on offer, but the Durbanites were not impressed.
It was heartwarming to see that many South Africans were employed by the shipping company. They get an eight-month contract, and the training programme is quite intense. It shows. The staff in all departments were outstanding. The truly South African birthday wishes by the serving staff (clapping and singing borrowed from a local steakhouse) had us all joining in and wishing complete strangers good cheer.
Our housekeeper was just so delightful and friendly. Although the fare price includes a mandatory charge for tips, I got the sense (from speaking to several staff) that the tips were not shared equitably. I opted to tip her in cash the night before disembarkation. She was very appreciative of this gesture.
Talking of cash, the cruise operates on a non-cash basis. Guests are asked to lodge a credit card before boarding, and all extras are charged in dollars. And I must say all extras cost a pretty dollar or two, from photos with the captain (no selfies please) and the behind-the-scenes onboard tour, to even renting a lounger and umbrella on the beach at Pomene. Sadly, nothing for mahala.
However, even if the photos with the captain were free, I still would have declined, as posing with a complete stranger in a tuxedo is not on my bucket list. That being said, many guests dressed up in beautiful evening wear and lined up for their moment on the red carpet with him. The turnaround time of the ship is between six and eight hours. In that time, tons of garbage is disposed of, 1,000 cabins cleaned, and provisions loaded for the next cruise.
My personal view is that I do not believe that this is sufficient time to do a real deep clean of the whole ship. But given that this is a business and a weather contingent trip, the cruise line seems to have devised a good in-and-out turnaround model. I did submit the evaluation form and await feedback on my comments. Of course, as is common in our group, we had to have one hiccup. Upon disembarkation, one person mislaid their passport and a wild goose chase ensued. We had a happing ending as it was found safely tucked inside his main luggage.
Overall, it was a pleasant enough trip. My heartbeat has not been in the range of 63 to 65 for a very long time, and the fitness app on my watch clocked at least three sunbursts every day. As soon as we entered South African waters, the pings and rings from cellphones and broad sighs of relief that connectivity was back, also brought with it the reality that my time on a floating hotel was over.
** The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of IOL or Independent Media.