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I recently encountered a very angry man in the traffic all because I dared put on my indicator and change lanes. The first insult he hurled at me was, "You frustrated bitch," followed by, "You old worn-out rag."
This week I was advised after I had said no to giving free advice that "I am not one to have sex with grannies."
I know I’m getting old but I really thought I looked good for my age and since when has age become an liability? Are old people like me not allowed to have and enjoy sex?
So this week we’re going to talk about sex for geriatrics such as myself.
Things change as we get older. Our bodies change: for men erections are no longer as strong and recovery rates take longer. Luckily there are pills that can help and men are now quite capable of having sex into their very old age.
There is no such pill for women. They have to deal with menopause and whether or not to take hormones but the worst is our skin gets thinner, everywhere. This affects penetration and extra care is required if you are having a longer than normal session or using fingers.
The vagina muscles also get slack unless they are exercised. These exercises, commonly known as kegels, are relatively easy to do and can be mastered while standing in the grocery store. To find the muscle, when you next go to the loo, stop your urine flow and concentrate on which muscles you are using; those are the muscles you must tense and relax several times a day. These exercises are important for more intense orgasms and, more importantly, not peeing in your pants when you sneeze, laugh or skip.
Men should do the same loo exercise to isolate the PC muscles and then exercise them in the same way. Relax and tense, several times a day. This will help maintain a strong erection.
What is a strong erection?
It’s called the five-finger erection. Hold your hand up with your thumb pointing to the ceiling. Young boys have erections that sit at the same level as your thumb, and old men somewhere between the ring and small finger.
Many of us older folk battle with a stalled sex drive. This requires work. Fortunately you should be at that stage of your life where you can ask for what you want and shouldn’t care what other people think - unless you worry about body image, performance and emotional issues like stress, anxiety or depression. All these and the insults can affect your arousal levels.
As an older couple, to get back to a level of intimacy that works for both of you, you can start to experiment with new positions because the old ones may not work for you any more.
Expand what sex means. If you are still stuck in horny teenage rub-a-dub-dub sex, explore alternatives. Touching and time are important.
Change your routine. If you’ve always had sex in the evening, start having it in the morning. Explore some fantasies and don’t forget foreplay.
What I have found in old age is that I have forgotten how to be playful and have fun.
This is something I am working on. I have never liked being tickled or teased and my hip doesn’t co-operate with being chased! So I’m looking for new ideas and when I find them I will gladly share.
The worst thing about age is the physical deterioration. It’s very hard not to be shy about it.
But take it from this granny, despite age, menopause and wrinkles, find someone else to bully because we're having the best sex of our lives. It may just be because we may be dead tomorrow but, hey, ‘carpe diem'.