‘Cuddling, with no expectation of a happy ending, has got to rate up there on the intimacy scale... Just feeling someone else’s skin against the length of your body is enough for intimacy to increase.’ Picture: Pexels
By Sharon Gordon
At Lola Montez we are running a campaign called “Every Bunny needs a Bunny!” It’s obviously a play on our ever-popular rabbit vibrators but, let’s face it, we all want to love some bunny.
Intimacy is about so much more than sex. One of my most intimate moments is when my hair was pushed off my face and tucked behind my ear. It was gentle and loving, and that warm feeling that rushed through me remains every time I think of it.
Cuddling, with no expectation of a happy ending, has got to rate up there on the intimacy scale. We often cuddle on the couch, watching a movie and, sometimes, we do it naked. Just feeling someone else’s skin against the length of your body is enough for intimacy to increase.
Five reasons to try a naked cuddling session:
1 It’s something new, without any expectations or anxiety. It’s exciting, so it gets all the happy hormones bubbling and because it’s familiar, it’s not scary.
2 Skin-on-skin contact. There is a reason they place babies directly onto a parent’s bare chest after birth. Skin-on-skin contact forms bonds. It’s the same with adults.
Contact allows both partners to become physically closer. It just doesn’t feel the same through clothes. I can feel the hair on my partner’s chest – it gives me comfort.
3 Our body is its own pharmacy. We release the happy hormones, oxytocin and endorphins, during this exercise, so our trust levels rise. Trust builds security which, in turn, deepens intimacy.
4 You’re naked and cuddling, now what? The whole idea is not to have an expectation of sex. That this will merely be an intimacy exercise. Really feel the sensations. Touch your partner, feel the contours of their body. Let them feel yours. More importantly, notice how you feel and react to this intentional touch, and what works for you and what doesn’t. Talk about it – this feels great and that not so much. I’d like more of this and less of that. Don’t turn the TV on.
5 This exercise, although not intended to raise sexual desire, often does, so set the boundaries before you start. Either take sex off the bed at the very start or agree that no matter how horny you get, no sex will be had and stick to it. As you experience heightened levels of arousal without any sexual stimulation or expectation, an odd thing happens. Desire and passion is increased. It has the same effect as forbidden fruit.
If you are a bunny that has no bunny this weekend, fear not. The exercise can be done on one’s own. It’s best done with luxury. Change your sheets. There is nothing better than crisp, fresh sheets. Feel the linen as you lie down and how the cover envelops your body.
Feel your body, every nook and cranny. When last did you feel the folds in your ear or stroke your neck with intent. You can use a body cream to increase glide or a fluffer (a faux fur mitt), available from www.lolamontez.co.za, and feel the sensation and pure luxury of it.
The purpose of the exercise is to appreciate every inch. If you’re like me, you’re going to be tempted to judge and criticise those least-loved parts. Don’t; you can do that tomorrow after you’ve polished off a box of marshmallow eggs.
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