Into the heart of Dildo Wonderland

BY SHARON GORDON

Yesterday I arrived back from a trade show in Barcelona specialising in sexual health and adult toys. I haven’t been to a show for a couple of years, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I found myself immersed in a world of some of the most outrageous and beautiful dildos known to humankind.

Buckle up as I take you on a journey through this unforgettable experience.

As I stepped through the doors of the trade show venue, I was greeted by a sight that I can only describe as a cross between a carnival and a futuristic space station. Neon lights, music thumping, and everywhere I looked, people bustling about, eager to explore the latest offerings in the world of sexual health and pleasure.

Navigating through the maze of booths, I soon found myself in Dildo Wonderland. Rows upon rows of tables displayed an astonishing array of dildos in all shapes, sizes, colours and textures imaginable.

Beast and other-world shapes and sizes are a thing. I am told they are a huge favourite with Only Fan models. Me, not so sure. Maybe I’ll run an online survey to see if I should bring them into SA or not.

From sleek and sophisticated to downright bizarre, there was something for every taste (no pun intended).

Now, being the intrepid buyer for Lola Montez that I am, I couldn’t resist the urge to indulge in a bit of hands-on research. So, armed with latex gloves (safety first), I set out to touch, feel and, yes, even squeeze some of these outrageous dildos.

Let me tell you there’s nothing quite like the sensation of holding a neon-green, glow-in-the-dark dildo in the palm of your hand. It’s a feeling that’s equal parts exhilarating and absurd. I sometimes felt that these would make statement ornaments rather than toys.

If you’d like to see them, please visit our social media pages – links below. I’ll be posting pictures and running that survey over the next week, starting Monday!

As I made my way deeper into the heart of Dildo Wonderland, I stumbled upon what can only be described as the Hall of Fame of dildos. Here, towering above the crowd like monuments to human ingenuity, were dildos of epic proportions. We’re talking dildos the size of baseball bats and dildos shaped like mythical creatures.

I must confess that amidst all the laughter, there were a few moments of awkwardness. Like the time I accidentally made eye contact with a fellow attendee while holding a particularly... shall we say, unique dildo. Or the moment when I found myself in a heated debate with a vendor over the merits of silicone versus glass, all while surrounded by a curious crowd of onlookers. The things we do to make sure that we bring you the very best.

It wasn’t all outrageous. There were many beautiful adult products that I would love to stock. The rand/euro exchange rate means that sadly many of these products will be out of our grasp.

There was one range which can only be described as the Ikea of sex toys – sleek shapes and colours – luckily you don’t have to construct them yourself.

The new Womaniser is completely silent and in a league of its own. I reconnected with the team from Nexus that specialises in male prostate massagers and felt for myself the pulse vibration from the Hot Octopus. These have all launched, but the product will only be available in August – so watch this space.

I have returned with my senses tingling, my cheeks sore from laughter and my feet swollen like an old woman.

It was exhausting, but it was an experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Remember to always embrace the absurd, celebrate the different and never be afraid to walk, touch and see what this magical world has for you.