Who qualifies for mercy? Queer Christians and the challenge of acceptance

As Pride Month unfolds in vibrant celebration, many LGBTQ+ believers remain cloaked in shame, confusion, and spiritual exile. They ask: Is it only church people who mistreat us – or the same God who parted seas and raised the dead? 

Some churches shut their doors to queer people. Is it because their “sin” is too visible to be tolerated? Scripture says all sin grieves God, yet the question reverberates: Why does the church welcome adulterers, gossipers, liars, and prideful people but slam the door on queer believers? If all fall short, why not preach salvation to all? Why are some prayed for while others are condemned? 

James 5:16 reminds us: “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Yet healing is withheld from those whose identities challenge tradition. 

So we must ask: Who qualifies for grace and mercy? Those whose sins are less visible? Those who conform quietly? Perfect people? Then why would we need God? 

The church was never meant to be a sanctuary for the flawless. Scripture is filled with imperfect vessels whom God used for divine purpose – Rahab, a sex worker; Peter, a violent denier; David, an adulterer. God fetched them. They repented. They were restored. 

I spoke to church leaders, activists, educators, and social workers about the tension between homosexuality and Christianity. Their insights reveal a church at a crossroads. 

Pastor Rakometsi Rakometsi, JFC Church, Free State: “I saw a video of a pastor who was lambasting gays and lesbians in the church. I personally used to have a serious problem with homosexuality, until Caster Semenya’s test results came out. I then realised that the issue of homosexuality is beyond my understanding. It’s too deep. To some, homosexuality isn’t a choice but biological or spiritual. 

"It means we can’t just judge people based on what we see without knowing their background. As church, we need to learn to investigate and get more understanding on this matter. We can’t continue rebuking and rejecting innocent people on things they don’t have control over. 

"The church is a hospital for sinners who want to do right with Christ. We are not there to judge – we are there to lead people to Christ." 

Ms Lesego E Aphane, HPCSA registered counsellor, life coach, NLP practitioner: “To young people exploring both faith and identity: community is vital for emotional and spiritual health. The church can offer a secure base – a place of psychological safety, belonging, and unconditional positive regard. However, for those who identify as homosexual, this space has not always felt safe. The tension between personal identity and religious teaching can cause cognitive dissonance, emotional distress, and spiritual confusion.

"Yet, when churches practice empathy and affirmation, they can reduce internalised stigma and support identity integration. Faith and authenticity can coexist when communities value each person’s dignity. 

"To the church: if it seeks to engage this generation, it must show emotional intelligence, cultural awareness, and humility. Young people today are deeply attuned to issues of justice and inclusion. The church should be trauma-informed, especially when caring for LGBTQ+ individuals who often carry wounds from past religious harm. Conservative theology does not require emotional detachment or exclusion. 

"Psychological research highlights the need for belonging and safe attachment. The church must balance conviction with compassion, offering both spiritual guidance and emotional support. This is not a compromise – it’s a deeper expression of love.” 

Innocentia Mtshweni, LGBTQ+ activist and community builder: “As a Christian who identifies as bush lesbian, I go to church and serve. I am a child of God, enjoying my relationship and salvation with Christ. A church should be inclusive of everyone. It should be a home – a hospital, where you run to. When it is selective, it cannot be an alternative to the community. 

"When you view the Word of God as something that crashes, that means you don’t have an intact relationship with Christ. The Word of God should correct you, rearrange you, transform you, and put you in a position where you reflect your life. That’s the purpose of the Word. Looking at how some queer people are mistreated; I think the pulpit has lost love itself. When it has lost love, it can’t cover all because love covers all.” 

Karabo Kuotane, teacher, psychology graduate and gender studies scholar: “Religion is a major societal structure impacting the LGBTQ+ community. Many queer individuals feel afraid to participate in church activities or leadership because of discrimination. 

"The church calls itself the ‘body of Christ,’ yet treats LGBTQ+ people as if they defile it. This exclusion sends a broader message that reinforces prejudice in society. 

"Creating open platforms for dialogue about sexuality and inclusion is essential – not just for spiritual well-being but for social justice. When the church embraces diversity and promotes love and equality, it sets a powerful example that reduces stigma and supports broader acceptance.” 

Kabedi Mabala, child and family social worker and gender and sexuality scholar: “The church isn’t accommodative to homosexual people. Some churches have strict dress codes. Women must wear long dresses and cover their hair; men must wear jackets and trousers. 

"It’s hard for homosexual people to join these churches because they’re forced to dress in ways that make them uncomfortable.

"My colleague attended an LGBTQI+ event at Cosmo City Multipurpose Centre. Pastors were invited, but none came. If it’s difficult for pastors to attend an event, how will they make homosexual people feel welcome in church?” 

Joe Joseph Mudau, Christian leader, author, inspirational speaker: “Every human being carries the image of God (Genesis 1:27). The church is called to love unconditionally and create spaces of safety, compassion, and belonging. No one should feel excluded from the presence of God or His people. 

"Inclusion must not be confused with endorsing every lifestyle. Scripture remains our moral compass – it does not condone sin, whether pride, greed, dishonesty, or sexual immorality (Romans 3:23; 1 Corinthians 6:9–11). 

"The gospel is both inclusive and transformative: inclusive in its reach, ‘Whosoever believes in Him shall not perish’ (John 3:16), and transformative in its purpose, ‘Go and sin no more’ (John 8:11). 

"Where the church often falls short is in balancing truth and grace. Jesus embodied both perfectly. Selective compassion, welcoming certain sinners while marginalising others is inconsistent with the gospel. 

"Every person is equally in need of and equally deserving of God’s grace and redemption. We are called to disciple, not discriminate; to welcome, but also to walk with people toward transformation. The church should be a place for difficult conversations held with humility, empathy, and the unwavering conviction that God’s love is wide enough to meet anyone, and His truth strong enough to change anyone.” 

Tebello Mosese, community builder, inspirational speaker and social entrepreneur: “I personally don’t think the church is accommodative of homosexuals. There is a common statement that most Christians are too judgmental and think they are holier than thou. Unfortunately, this is true. The consequences of shutting doors on them simply means we might be standing at the door and hindering their salvation. The painful part is, we shall give account to those souls before God one day.” 

So let the church remember: Grace is not a gate – it’s a flood. If we claim to follow Christ, we must stop choosing who to love and start learning how to love. When the church decides who qualifies for mercy, queer believers bleed, and the body of Christ fractures. 

To the queer child who plays with dolls instead of cars, as society expects; to the questioning man or woman who still longs for God’s love, though confused about their sexuality – you are not forgotten. You are not beyond redemption. 

If your theology cannot hold space for them, then your theology is too small for the God who parts seas and raises the dead. 

Mmabatho Makotanyane is a journalist, gender and sexuality studies scholar, and women’s empowerment activist