You need skills to solve problems, deal with conflict, and communicate well in your relationship.

Repairing your relationship , strengthening it and saving the connection with your partner is something you can do for yourself (although sometimes you will need outside help, such as from a therapist), you can decide to do something about it and make the effort necessary to prevent everything from being destroyed or completely lost.

No relationship is perfect and there is nothing that guarantees that things will be good all the time. Things like stress at work, changing priorities, insecurity, challenges or even the birth of a child can cause all kinds of problems and complicated situations, but when a relationship is worth it , then you have to fight for it. she.

This does not mean that you have to force things or tolerate bad behavior simply to maintain a relationship, more goods refers to having a more constructive approach, where you look for a way to regain connection and solve problems at the root.

Psychologist Bob Taibbi says in Psychology Today that there are certain skills you need to develop to be something like your own relationship therapist (again, sometimes you need a real one, too) that can help you get out of bad situations or moments not so good, and other experts seem to agree that there are skills that are very helpful, and even prevent your relationship from suffering in the first place.

How to repair your relationship with 7 essential skills, according to psychology

Identify and define the problem, and what is behind it

According to Taibbi, problems have a cause and a root, and sometimes they are even ineffective “solutions” to what is really happening underneath.

“What we often label as problems in ourselves (not paying bills on time) and in others (your partner's alcohol use) are often poor solutions to other problems,” she wrote.

So, the important thing is not only to know the problems and be able to define them, but also to try to discover what is underneath and what is causing them, to go to the origin and not just treat the symptoms.

Communicate correctly

Learning to communicate well is essential in all types of situations, but it is especially useful within relationships, as it helps us ask for what we want, make our points clearly and express ourselves appropriately, and it allows others to understand us. know and vice versa.

Communication has to be clear, honest and open, it must be based on respect and it must be practiced every day.

Ask the right and difficult questions

Taibbi says one reason why therapists are so helpful and able to see things from a different perspective is because they have the ability to step back and ask the tough questions, which are the ones that help most in figuring out what's going on. and where the problems or obstacles come from.

Not asking questions leads to misunderstandings and can cause problems to continue growing, so you have to dare to talk about complicated topics and ask those questions that may be complicated, but that will provide the necessary answers to move forward.

Identify patterns

“ Thinking about and looking for patterns of behavior is useful in two ways: One is that it helps you separate that unusual event (the “perfect storm”) from a more regular pattern that needs to be addressed,” Taibbi says.

Patterns help us understand what are those things that we tend to fall into again and again and identify what is leading us to constantly repeat that, so we can know the causes and break the cycle before it causes more damage. It also allows you to know which problems are not “normal” or recurring.

Empathy

The advantage of empathy is that it helps us see things from the perspective of others, it helps us understand what they are feeling and respond in a more appropriate and kind way to the things that happen. Empathy allows us to connect better with others, understand how we affect them and create stronger bonds.

Know how to listen actively

Just as we must communicate well, experts also say that we must know how to actively listen , which refers to being present, keeping an open mind, and listening without trying to interrupt or judge.

The goal is for you to be able to understand what the other person is telling you or asking of you, in addition to validating their emotions and helping them feel appreciated and important.

Negotiation

According to the Relate site, negotiation is another essential skill to protect relationships or save them when they are not going well, as it helps you better deal with differences between you and your partner, have more efficient discussions, and reach those middle ground. where everyone can have what they want.

[ VIA GQ Mexico]