Cape Town - As she mourned the death of her mother, at 12 years old, decades-long sexual abuse by her father began.
Now, 24 years later, an Atlantis woman told the harrowing tale of sexual grooming, repeated rape and sexual assault at the hands of her 63-year-old father.
The woman, who cannot be identified, spoke exclusively with the Weekend Argus this week while her 63-year-old father was hauled before the court and is facing charges of rape, sexual assault, sexual grooming and indecent assault.
She plucked up the courage to report the years-long abuse to police earlier this month.
The former taxi and truck driver was granted R1 000 bail on Wednesday, at the Atlantis Magistrate’s Court.
The State is set to prove that the father of four groomed his eldest daughter to be his sexual partner after burying his wife died due to illness.
Provincial police spokesperson, Captain Frederick van Wyk, said the man was arrested on charges of rape, sexual assault, sexual grooming and indecent assault.
According to reports, these incidents took place from the time the victim was 12 years old in 1997 until 2023.
The woman’s siblings came forward and said they were aware of the alleged sexual relationship, apparently catching the two in the act.
The woman said she felt relief after unburdening herself of the 24-year-long secret she carried.
“I felt like I sinned because I kept it for so long, I have kept this with me since the age of 12 up until now. The day I gave my statement, I felt like I betrayed him, I reported him to the police knowing what I did was also wrong. I still felt compassion for him because he is my father.”
“I do believe he used me to be his sexual slave, I was just there to give him pleasure whenever he sought it.”
She said she remembers her father brushing himself up against her body while she was cooking and that he had eventually led her to the couch where he said this would be a dark secret between him and her.
She explained that he would ensure the house was empty or wait for the other children to fall asleep to carry out the alleged sex attacks on her.
“I was still a child when it started and I didn’t know what the up and down movements meant or what an erection was. He would breathe heavily in my ear and say, ‘it is just a cuddle and a bond between us.’”
“He made me think it was okay because he was my father and, as I grew older, I kept to myself and didn’t speak much and I began to switch off and I accepted this secret all to myself for all the years.
“When he would see that I was not happy doing it (sex), he would say I must start to enjoy it because I would get an orgasm. He would say that If I came out with it (secret), my brothers and sister would be without a father and a place to live. I have never been with anyone sexually besides my father. This one time I spoke with a taxi driver, he smacked me.
“He would always make sure he had condoms and there were times it broke and when I was in standard five, he would give me two pills to drink in the morning and would say he needed to prevent something from happening.”
Atlantis Woman’s Movement founder and owner of House of Healing shelter and former ward councillor, Barbara Rass, has taken the woman under her wing.
Rass said she had viewed the father as having cohesive control over his children and had manipulated his daughter.
“He has a spirit of lust, of sex and he is evil,” she said.
“We are asking why he was granted bail when he has such severe charges? A psychiatrist needs to come on board to support this woman because she has been emotionally damaged after all the years of abuse.
Kavya Swaminathan, a clinical and counselling psychologist and intervention supervisor at Tears Foundation, said that in her professional opinion, the case of the woman resembled the hallmarks of trauma bonding.
“Trauma bonding refers to the attachment a victim or survivor of abuse feels towards their perpetrator. This attachment manifests itself usually in cases where continuous or cyclical patterns of abuse are present.
“Perpetrators often alternate between extreme abuse and acts of positive reinforcement (affection, gift giving, etc.), this behaviour is seen as a manipulation technique which helps slowly destroy the survivors' sense of self. This results in a bond between survivor and abuser rooted in dependency.”
She said when the cycle started when the survivor is a child, their entire life and perception of their world becomes altered.
“They grow up normalising the abuse they suffer, believing this type of behaviour is what they deserve. It takes a great amount of courage, bravery, re-learning and reconstructing previous beliefs in order for such a bond or relationship to be broken,” said Swaminathan.