QUESTION: My husband stayed friendly with his student days’ girlfriend and she’s been part of our lives over 17 years of marriage. But recently we hit a bad patch and I discovered he’d talked to his ex about our sex life.
He says he can’t see the problem - that she’s the only friend he can talk to about intimate stuff and, as a trained counsellor, gives good advice - but I feel horrified that another woman knows my bedroom secrets.
Our marriage is back on track, apart from me obsessing about this betrayal. Should I ask him not to see her again?
ANSWER: Nobody likes it when their other half reveals intimate details to a third party, without tacit agreement they can do so (unless they’re only telling that person how hot you are in bed).
However, have you never, in all your 17 years of wedded life, talked to a close friend about an intimate aspect of your marriage?
I always feel most men would be horrified if they were aware of the revelations shared between close female friends.
I know talking to same-sex friends is not the same as blabbing to an ex. This is, understandably, how your outrage evolved.
But do remember that men aren’t generally so good at talking to one another about sexual dilemmas. It seems likely this woman was the only person your husband trusted to discuss such delicate issues with.
But, above all, is this woman really still your “husband’s ex” more than she is a family friend? It’s important not to jump to the conclusion that this mutual friend (she is mutual, isn’t she?) briefed against you.
The thing to concentrate on now is the fact you and your husband are happy once more - you would have known if he felt more estranged after those conversations.
And it’s a fairer strategy than banishing her from your house for listening to your spouse. - Daily Mail