QUESTION: My brother-in-law’s wife died last June and my husband, sons and I have been supporting him ever since. Then in February he confessed he was in love with me and always had been. Now, I feel I’ve long been in denial about the attraction between us. What should I do?
ANSWER: Death can throw everyone off and, in the aftermath, the most sensible people can act in the craziest ways. What else can explain your brother-in-law making a declaration of love to his own sibling’s wife?
You must both know how wrong that confession was. And you’ve been deluded too in fostering emotion, where there was little - or none - previously.
Your brother-in-law is bereft and lonely and you have been very warm and kind to him. It’s too easy for a grieving man to mistake friendly affection for something more erotic.
I’ve no doubt he’s always admired you, but it took this huge loss for him to construe it as ‘love’. And he is betraying his brother’s and nephews’ trust by making overtures to you.
Now let me ask you. Do you really believe you’ve been in denial of your feelings? After all, you say you were ‘shocked’ when your brother-in-law expressed these sentiments. But I know very few women who can resist the temptation of a little soul-searching when a man says, ‘I love you’ out of the blue.
I would also guess you’re at a vulnerable stage in your marriage. The seductive language of lovers can be mislaid in the child-rearing years. It’s all too easy to picture how this happened, but you must put the brakes on right this second.
If you don’t, your family will disintegrate. The bond between brothers will be shattered and your happy household will be smashed apart. And you would gain a man whose loss and grief has driven him to destroy everything else he holds dear. - Daily Mail