Durban - For years, kissing has been seen as a form of cheating just as dangerous to a relationship and punishable as any other type of extramarital intimacy.
But TV actress, author and comedienne, Mindy Kaling begs to differ. The 33-year-old funny girl (who happens to be single) stated in a recent New Yorker article that kissing new people is “one of the greatest joys of life”.
She said that married people should also be able to enjoy this experience. “Why should saying ‘I do’ necessarily mean ‘I will not kiss another human for the rest of my life’.” Kaling said one of the perks of acting is getting to kiss men, often married ones, with “zero repercussions for anyone involved”.
Kaling explains that she is by no means advocating open marriage. “Marriage is a serious business,” she writes. “But kissing is not. Just because I want to kiss someone doesn’t mean I want to love that person, share a bed with him…
“The problem with kissing is that it has been ‘cheapened’, and is now perceived as a gateway gesture to sex. Kissing is to sexual intercourse as the phrase ‘Can I talk to you for a second?’ is to a full-blown screaming fight,” she said.
Naturally, her comments attracted a few (actually, many) shaking heads.
According to relationship website, Lovepanky.com, the ultimate betrayal (apart from sleeping with someone else) is “cheating via the kiss”.
The website poses the question: “What would be worse – you finding out that your partner kissed someone else or you finding your partner sleeping with someone else?”
Most people wouldn’t want to find out either.
Perhaps for Kaling, who gets to lock lips with gorgeous co-stars all the time, kissing is not such a big deal, but not all of Hollywood agrees with her.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are so devoted to each other that since they became one of the world’s poster couples, they have refused to do steamy scenes with other actors/actresses.
Considering how they got together in the first place, it is probably a good move for the pair.
“This is a guy who has tried not to do any sexy scenes with other women since he met Angelina. He’s crazy about her, and she’s the same way about him,” said Brad’s friend, Frank Pollaro.
<&bh”http://mammamia.com/”>Outside acting class or a movie set, is there a justifiable reason to kiss somebody else?
Durban couples don’t think so.
“I would never kiss anybody other than my husband,” said Thiroshnie Pillay.
“Anything, whether it is physical or emotional, that you have to hide from your partner is cheating and we all know that cheating is wrong,” she said. “Kissing is cheating, end of story. It’s non-negotiable.”
“Why would you want to kiss anybody else when you are happily married?” asked newly-wed Kim Straisser.
“I think that having a crush on a certain celebrity is as far as you can go when you are in a relationship.
“If you kiss someone it means that you are attracted to that person. And when you are attracted to somebody else, your relationship will never work and your partner will never trust you again,” she said.
“I think kissing is really innocent and I understand what Mindy is saying, but that doesn’t mean she is right,” said happily single Lungelo Zwane.
“Kissing is fun and it can be so simple, but it can also be really complicated and lead to other things – things that will get you into trouble,” he said.
Happily married Kamista Naidoo said that it was “okay when you are an actor or an actress and it is your job to kiss other people, but if you aren’t in Hollywood, you don’t have an excuse”.
“I would kill my husband if I found out he did anything like that,” she said.
“Yes, my wife would kill me if I even looked at another woman, let alone kissed her,” said Kamista’s husband, Devin.
“Kissing leads to other things. We all know that. How can you kiss somebody else then come back home and kiss your partner? Even if you don’t believe there is one, with every physical connection, there is also an emotional one,” said Devin.
Relationship psychologist Brian Blem said it all depended on the type of kiss. He said that a passionate kiss was very different from a hello/goodbye kiss.
“A passionate kiss is what creates a problem. It’s problematic because it is showing affection, which makes it very inappropriate. That type of kissing belongs within the marriage,” said Blem.
“Kissing somebody other than your partner opens a door of expectation for that other person and signifies availability. Within marriage there is an expectation of exclusivity and loyalty – there are certain boundaries.
“Different couples define these boundaries differently. In some cases an open marriage is negotiated. Although this broadens what is acceptable and what isn’t, this has to be a mutual agreement. Bboth husband and wife have to be accepting and understanding of what an ‘open’ relationship means.”
Blem is not necessarily sure if an open relationship can work.
“Marriage is based on a trust relationship and fidelity is a very important aspect of trust.”
“Before any partner does anything, they must ask how it makes the other person feel and how they would feel if it was done to them.”. - Sunday Tribune