QUESTION: After six years with my partner, I worry the passion is waning. Once, we were intimate every day, but now sometimes not for two or three weeks. My marriage also faltered six years in and I’m scared this marks the beginning of the end. My partner says he loves me as much as ever and less sex is normal over time. But if he really cared, wouldn’t he make more of an effort?
ANSWER: If you endlessly suggest your relationship is on the brink of terminal decline, everyone (your boyfriend included) will start to believe you. You’ve clearly convinced yourself that things aren’t what they used to be - but is this really the case?
Sex may be less frequent than when you started dating, but is it really less fulfilling? In mature relationships couples tend to realise that what they’ve lost in sexual frequency has been more than compensated for by the enhanced quality of erotic intimacy. So the important question is not how often your partner initiates sex, but how much desire he brings when he does.
Here is a man who offers the reassurance that he loves you as much as he ever did, but you seek to disbelieve him, which begs a further question. Are you so busy probing the degree of your partner’s affection that you neglect to ask how much you love him?
There’s something self-destructive in the way you’re probing the weaknesses of your relationship, rather than celebrating its strengths. Perhaps you’re the one who suffers from a decrease in desire?
Perhaps you’re the one who needs to understand your partner’s point of view and to relax. Few long-term couples I know panic just because they haven’t had a passionate clinch over a fortnight. The most important thing is not to let your view of this highly valued relationship to become clouded by the failures of the past. - Daily Mail