Teenage years have a lot in common with the terrible twos. They both must pull away from parents and begin to assert their independence. At times they (teenagers) tend to avoid contact with you or shut you down completely when you start asking questions.
Rachel Ehmke from Child Mind Institute shares the following tips:
- Listen. If you are curious about what’s going on in your teen’s life, asking direct questions might not be as effective as simply sitting back and listening.
- Value their feelings. Validate their feelings with kindness and compassion. And don’t judge or lecture. Sometimes children just want you to listen.
- Show trust. Teens want to be taken seriously, especially by their parents. Look for ways to show that you trust your teen. Asking them for a favour shows that you rely on them.
- Don’t be a dictator. You still get to set the rules, but be ready to explain them.
- Give praise. Teenagers might act like they’re too cool to care about what their parents think, but the truth is they still want your approval.
- Be consistent. Don’t expect change overnight. Consistency is key for getting your children to open up.
- Do things together. Talking is not the only way to communicate, and during these years it’s great if you can spend time doing things you both enjoy, whether it’s cooking or going to the movies, without talking about anything personal.
If you see a change in your teen’s daily ability to function, ask them about it and be supportive (without being judgmental). Try keeping your questions open to their interpretation, and accept their answers as they come.