We’re always talking about sex with someone as if we can’t have a fulfilled erotic life without a significant other. The truth is that if you don’t love yourself first, if you don’t know what you enjoy and what you don't, it’s never going to be great.
We’ve never been taught about how to go about this. You’re on your own! Thankfully this is no longer true. You can read blog after blog, but unless you’re committed to the process nothing will change.
Take this month to do the solo sex challenge. I don’t know about you, but daily practice may be a bit too much, so I suggest you take a week for each exercise.
You will also need privacy. It’s solo after all.
Week 1
Explore your body.
If you’ve never done this before it can be intimidating. Where to start?
Depending on your comfort level, start by standing in front of a full-length mirror and have a good look. NO JUDGEMENT.
This is the body that serves you, no matter how you treat it. Which part do you love the most? Start there. Touch, feel, tickle, scratch.
Try different textures. How does it feel to touch the area through silk or with a feather. Try with a bit of oil, or in the bath.
Don’t just concentrate on your genitals. Go to them last but do go there and have a good look. Top tip: An empty bath with a mirror will set you up for a good look. Inspect every nook and cranny. Use lubricant if you want. Pull back the labia and clitoral hood. Insert your fingers and experience what feels good and what does not.
Wake up your skin and your pleasure zones. Make sure you touch every single inch of your body. It’s luxurious.
And then feel those zones while you masturbate. See what sends you to the edge of pleasure.
Week 2
Explore what turns you on.
Heads up what turns you on in your mind may not translate into real life.
I always talk about the filing cabinet of fantasies. The top drawer is probably shared by everyone in the room. Nobody is going to think you’re a freak. Start here. What are they?
The second drawer is edgier. You may find you’re kinkier than you thought. You’ll want to be able to share these with your partner. Expand your repertoire. Read some erotic stories, watch some porn and do visit an adult store to see what fabulous toys are available. Go onto the www.lolamontez.co.za website and window-shop. Keep me in business and buy something.
Drawer 3 is the deepest and darkest of your fantasies. Probably best kept to yourself. This will probably be your dark side.
Week 3
This week we engage all the senses.
When I started Lola Montez 22 years ago this is what I wanted for the brand. A product for every sense. Silk sheets or a jelly bath for touch, a variety of lotions and potions for smell and taste. The sexiest lingerie for sight and erotic stories for hearing. Find your favourites.Take yourself on a date. Do something that sparks the senses. Have a massage, eat at your best restaurant, go home and feel the sheets and your skin. Wear nipple clamps or ben wa balls. How do they make you feel?
You could choose a sense a day and explore everything about them. What brings you joy.
Week 4
We’re almost there.
Find new ways to masturbate. Do you lie on your back with your legs up? Do you put a pillow under your bum? Do you lie on your side or your tummy? Do you use a favourite vibrator? Or a dildo vibrator combo? Or your hand?
This week, explore alternatives. How far can you take it? Try to edge (take yourself to the edge and then pull it back). Try a different position, include some of those fantasies you explored. You’re safe, there is no one to judge while you figure it all out for yourself. Well done if you complete the challenge. You should be feeling a lot more confident about your body and the power of your pleasure. Share it or not. That part is completely up to you.
Saturday Star