We live in a society where “You look great, have you lost weight ?” and “You have gained weight” is seen as a normal greeting.
However, unsolicited comments about your weight and or body shape can be crushing and have the ability to negatively affect someone.
Certified intuitive-eating counsellor and registered dietitian Lauren Cadillac once posted a graphic on her Instagram page about why you shouldn't compliment people on losing weight.
She explained in the caption: "Personally, the more compliments I received about my body (during my competition days), the more it kept me stuck in disordered eating. It's hard to admit you have an eating disorder (or that you need help) when people are complimenting you for it.”
Psychologist Dr Kalanit Ben-Ari says the urge to comment on other people’s bodies is often a reflection of ourselves and our feelings.
“Sometimes, people project how they are feeling about themselves onto others,” she tells Metro.co.uk
“It is a reflection of them and not the person they are commenting on. People might comment from behind a screen, allowing themselves to write direct and upsetting comments they would never say in person.
“In addition to this, some people don’t understand the boundaries of what is acceptable to say and what is not, but any comment on someone’s appearance is unacceptable.
“We do not have the right.”
While “Oh my gosh, did you lose weight?! You look amazing?! You gained weight'" may seem like a compliment. Here are reasons why we should stop complimenting others on their weight loss:
Weight loss or weight gain tells you absolutely nothing about a person’s health, happiness or lifestyle habits.
There is no way to tell a person’s health by their appearance. There are so many things that influence a person’s health, including genetics, eating habits, physical activity, sleep quality, stress management, healthy relationships, etc.
The person you’re praising for weight loss might be suffering from cancer, depression, a chronic illness, grief or a life-threatening eating disorder. Likewise, the person you’re judging for weight gain may be in recovery from an eating disorder, healthy, happy and out of a chronic dieting cycle.
It contributes to fatphobia
Symptoms of Living, a health hub, explains that speaking on weight may be an indication of fatphobia.
“Fatphobia is playing up when you look at someone and judge them for their weight. When you assume someone is unhealthy or lazy due to being fat. When you assume all fat people are unattractive or can’t be loved.
“Fatphobia isn’t just directed at others; it is often directed at yourself. Berating yourself for putting on weight and believing that it means you’re unattractive. Thinking that you owe your partner a thin body. A prevalent instance of fatphobia is how women are pushed to lose weight after giving birth to avoid having a ‘mom body’ and having ‘let themselves go’ as if proof that they have brought a child into this world is such a shameful thing,” the hub said.
Weight-based comments can be highly triggering for people
One of the most important reasons why you should never comment on someone’s weight is that for folks who have a life-threatening eating disorder or those in recovery from one, weight comments can fuel their disorder even more or cause a relapse. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness and affect at least 9% of the population worldwide.
Focusing on weight does not help a person become healthier
Science has shown focusing on weight management may lead to short-term weight loss, but the results are often not sustainable, and people inevitably gain the weight back, possibly even more weight than when they started. Research also shows that focusing on weight loss may not lead to healthy habits.
A 2015 study on Weight Discrimination and Risk of Mortality, published in the National Library of Medicine, said focusing on someone’s weight or weight loss actually leads to poorer health outcomes and increased risk of mortality. Additionally, perpetuating weight stigma or negative body image can also cause emotional and mental harm.
It’s actually an insult
By complimenting weight loss, you’re essentially saying that they look better now than they did before. Indirectly you’re saying they looked bad before this, that the weight loss is a positive thing when it isn’t actually. It relates back to how weight-centric our society is, as we assume that smaller is always better, when that really isn’t the case.
*Image credit: https://totalshape.com/